Me. And then Some.

Going Nowhere...

2012-01-04T05:11:00.001-05:00

I'm going nowhere fast.
Emotions running on high speed,
crashing into dreams and
breaking down in reality.

My heart,
bleeding for things I cannot grasp.
Blood splatters on the things I cannot reach.
My mind is in turmoil.
My spirit is unsettled.
My body is weak.
My soul seeks rest.

I'm going nowhere. Fast.

xxx
Fabulo-la
Sent from my CrackBerry® device.

Imperfectly Perfect

2011-11-30T06:45:00.000-05:00

In His perfection,

Our imperfections are made whole.

Like a broken pot

with cracks running down all sides

chips along all the edges

barely able to hold any worth in.

Our value [seemingly] depreciating with every drop.

Our delicate structure worn off,

from'misguided' use.

Mishandled and manhandled,

with the holes to show for it.

If I had a pot like that,

I'd throw it away.

Yet, with everything,

despite everything,

He willingly replaces our ashes

For his beauty.

Our imperfections made whole

in his perfections

Molding and building us back up

To be how we were made to be.

Who we were created to be.

xxx

Fabulo-la

Is There More?

2011-09-18T04:29:00.001-04:00

There has to be more.
I hope there is more.
When I wake up to the ordinariness of life and trudge through the 'habitualness' in front of me, I cannot but long for that moment.
That rush, that feeling.
That feeling of transcendence, that moment of clarity. That instance when simplicity takes over. The moment it will all come together like the final clash of the cymbals.
That instance when your heart, overflowing calls out to your mind and you KNOW that THIS moment is what life is all about.

I hope there is more to this.

xxx
Fabulo-la
Sent from my CrackBerry® device.

I want it all

2011-09-07T07:29:00.000-04:00

They tell me my head is too far up the clouds.
That my emotions have been tainted with the sweet cherries of Heaven.
And my heart is deceived by the thought of angels walking amongst us.
But I tell you this;
My mind longs for the moment we will transcend beyond the heavens.
For the time when our minds will explode with a passion so intense, so raw...

I don't know about you,
But I don't want no ordinary, 'I should, I could, I did' kinda love.
I don't want no 'just because' love.

I want the kind that grips me when you walk into a room.
The kind that makes my heart stop at the thought of not having you.
The kind that sends me to ecstasy at the touch of you.

The kind of love that hurts from loving you because I don't have enough love to give you.
The kind of love that my wrists would bleed for to keep you with me.
The kind of love so crazy I could kill you, but then I'd have to kill myself too.
The 'rather die young than live without you' love.

Endless love where forever and a day is not nearly enough.
The kind of love where you are the cause and cure of my pain.
Violent, fragile, erupting, explosive endless love.
My all to you, or nothing to no one.
Not you. Not me.

Unbroken, ceaseless, complete love.

They tell me my head is far up the clouds.
But there are too many mediocre things in life already, why should love be one of them?

Xxx
Fabulo-la
Sent from my CrackBerry® device.

Why can't it be like this?

2011-07-20T05:33:00.001-04:00

Its 10.15pm.
The flight apparently, was delayed by an hour.
Angry yells go up beside you. Airport officials yelling over people yelling.
No where to sit, except on the huge slabs of concrete on the floor.
Lucky for you, you brought your book along.
You take a seat on one of the 'free-er' slabs. Next to some poor dude that looks like he'd rather be else where. You give him a polite smile as you settle beside him and bring out your book.
'Thats a pretty good book, isnt it?' he says after a few minutes.
You look up for a second and take a look at him. He looks decent, you think.
'Yea it is actually.' You reply.
'Pretty mind boggling I thought it was.' He says again.
'Yea.' You answer, unsure.
'But then her other books got my mind racing as well.' You add, as an afterthought.
'You should read 1984 by George Orwell too. Pretty intense stuff.'
'Really?'
...and that is how it began. Before you know it you are yakking on and on about books, and their themes, and plots. And How it affects the greater good of mankind.
Your book is currently long forgotten.
'British Airways ni. British Airways ni.' You over hear someone say.
'Well it looks like thats the flight Im waiting for.' You say.'It was nice talking to you...?'
'Seun. And you are?'
''Lola'
'Okay well, 'Lola. The pleasure is all mine.'
'If you want, I have that George Orwell book I was talking about. I could lend it to you sometime if you want?'
'Sure! I would like that actually.'
...and so you exchange numbers.

Why can't it always be like this?
Why must people be apalling and come up and say stuff to you like 'Bebe, you are looking sweet today. May I know you?'

Tell me, how would you like to be 'picked up'?

Unspoken Moments II

2011-07-06T08:10:00.001-04:00

As soon as she walked in, I knew. I felt her presence pulling towards me. It was always like that with her. Like she was an extended part of me. The look on her face was like she had been dragged to this wedding. As always.
As she settled down, I wondered if I should go and say hi. Or sorry.

After glancing around the room, she finally caught my eye. I looked at her pleadingly, wondering what her reaction would be. She smiled, and for a moment I hesitated. Unsure. Eventually I smiled back. She wasn't one to stay angry for long. Maybe I took that for granted. She giggled and made a mocking face at me, as if to scold me. One of the reasons why I love her so much.
I burst out laughing at her silliness. It always amused me how silly and cute she could be at the same time.
I couldn't help but gaze at her beauty. She wasn't drop dead model gorgeous, and she was no plain jane either. But rather a wholesome warm kind of beautiful that literally radiated from inside out.
Embarrassed she covered her face with her hands. I don't know why it always embarrassed her when I gazed at her like that.
Just then-"Hey honey, we have to get going. We can't be late to my parents'. Again."

My heart sank. My very pregnant wife jogged my mind back to the present. Don't get me wrong. I love her. My wife, that is. But I love her also. She was the very air I breathed. But she wasn't ready. Not for me. At least I don't think she was.
Sometimes I wonder if its her free spirit that scared me away. Or her open mind.
I got up to follow my wife out, and just then I caught her eye. I pleaded with her to understand. Disappointment flashed through her eyes. Then hurt, then disappointment. It broke my heart to do this to her. Again.
I'm sorry- I mouthed before I left.

As I led my wife out, a tear escaped my eye. "Honey, I didn't think going to my parents would make you cry?!" My wife said to me alarmed.
I smiled as I gave a kiss on the cheek.
"On the contrary love, I just realized I'm the happiest man alive."

Xxx
Fabulo-la

Sent from my CrackBerry® device.

Unspoken Moments

2011-07-04T16:55:00.001-04:00

Their eyes met across the crowded room, and all of a sudden her being forced to be at that wedding wasn't such a bad thing. She relaxed a little, and smiled at him. In that moment, a thousand words were said between them. A thousand promises were made. A thousand secrets shared. A thousand lives together. A thousand unspoken moments.
It was like no time had passed since she saw him.
She thought of all the cuss words she had planned to rain on him and smiled as forgiveness tugged at her heart.
He smiled back, a little hesitant.
She giggled at his cautiousness and he burst out laughing like she had cracked a joke. She pouted and mockingly raised her eyebrow at him as if to reprimand him. He burst out laughing some more spilling his drink on the table.
After several fits of laughter, they slowly calmed down. He held her gaze for a few moments. As if trying to take in all her beauty. He smiled and she blushed. She covered her face with her hands. Embarrassed.
In a room full of 500 people, it was just the two of them. Nobody else mattered. Nobody else existed.

It was like time had stood still and drawn her into him.
Again. Like always.

She didn't complain. She liked being there. Drawn into him.

Just then something obstructed her view of him. She took that moment to check her reflection in her compact mirror.
When she looked up, her face fell. He was being led away by a very pretty, very pregnant woman.
He turned around and caught her eye. 'I'm sorry' he mouthed.
That was when she noticed it. With his hand on the small of her back, he carefully led her away. Stopping to kiss her as they exited the building.
A thousand promises going with them. A thousand lives shattered. A thousand unspoken betrayals.

He was hers till death did them part.
For them, life had just begun.
Hers ended when they walked out the door.

Xxx
Fabulo-la

Sent from my CrackBerry® device.

Death Be not Proud

2011-06-19T17:03:00.001-04:00

"...though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so."

Or are you?

To what end did You bring me here?
That I may hold her hand while You slowly take her from me?
That she may not be alone while her body feasts on itself?

What exactly is Your plan?
Because You always have a plan.
Tell me the lesson that I may learn it quickly.

I am not Job.
Do not test my righteousness, because I will fall...
I will fall farther than where You found me.
I will fall deeper into the abyss of faithlessness.

Take me instead.
Do not punish her for my sins.
Do not forsake the ones to whom she is their all.
Take me instead, that she may live to declare your glory.

"Death be not proud..."

Sent from my CrackBerry® device.

What Way?

2011-06-09T23:23:00.001-04:00

Walking down the path of the way that seems to be right, but the stick in my eye prevents a clear view. My lamp of Judgement aiding my way. My holier-than-thou cloak protecting me against the chill of the pleading stares of passers by, going in the opposite direction, warning me of the stick in my eye. But with the bright light of my 'Judgement lamp' in their faces, they cower away.
How can I with my badge of 'morally upright-ness' associate myself with them?
I pass by a mirror and notice a little stain in my cloak. Black tar-like stain that seems to be growing by the second. I try to wipe it off but it only spreads. Covering it in 'hypocrisy' I leave it. Afterall if no one can see it, it really isn't there.
But as I trudge on, the cloak seems to get heavier and the path dimmer. I refill my judgement lamp with some 'I-am-better-than-you' oil. Just then a passer-by warns me of the trail of tar I am leaving behimd and offers to help me clean the cloak.
I yell, accusing her of trying to distract me from the way of the 'right'.
I spit at her, only for the spit to land on my face.
Just then I notice scores of other passers by rushing past me. Right infront of me is the woman who warned me of the stick in my eye. She is in a corner washing away the tar from her cloak.
"Aren't you going in the wrong direction?" she says to me.
'Hmm!' I say to her as I walk hurriedly past her. Careful not to let my cloak get anywhere near her in case she 'stains' it.
The irony.
I hurry along stumbling, as the cloak has gotten heavier and is soaking through my hypocrisy. The stick in my eye has grown and is protruding out my eyeball.
Suddenly I trip and I'm falling. Slowly into a hole. My life if flashed before my eyes and I realise...
I dug the hole with my bare hands. Covered it with hypocrisy and pretence, and now here I am.
Or am not.

Walking down the path of the way that seems to be right, but the stick in my eye prevents a clear view.
I lay my judgement lamp and walk to the 'mirror of truth' to remove the stick in my eye.

And it hurts....

Xxx
Fabulo-la

Sent from my CrackBerry® device.

Mental Battles

2011-04-21T05:32:00.001-04:00

There is a battle waging in my head.
The battle between...acceptance and...refusal.
Acceptance of the mediocrity that has ravished this place.
And refusing to panic in the event that I might have made the biggest mistake ever.
Where does one begin?
What does one do?
Reject the widely accepted passivity of the shadiness that is considered a norm?
But to what end?
To what means?
How will anything get done?
Across the Atlantic, the ease to spit criticism, and demand that things be different is alarming.
But not apparent until you get to this side of the Atlantic, where mediocrity is the ruler of the land,
and excellence, service and honor have been exiled for life.

There is a battle waging in my head,
but what Im really wondering is
Is there any hope at all?

xxx
Fabulo-la

P.S. Im not dead, I just need ideas/inspiration on what to write.
Feel free to leave a suggestion in the comments ;)

Hell Hath No Fury.

2011-02-15T15:33:00.000-05:00

Ha ha ha. Is this a joke?
"Im real sorry babe. It was never my intention to hurt you." -Excuse me? He doesn't want to hurt me? Yet here he is, telling he doesn't love me anymore? He loves her? HER?
Ha ha ha. This is a joke. Yea it is.
Click.
When he sleeps on it, his mind will clear and he'll call and apologise.
He has to.
Ha ha ha.

~Denial~
He cant mean it. He is really breaking up with me? Over her? For her?
No. No. No!
He cant. I wont let him.
"Oh please baby...after everything we've been through...its been 3 years...we can get through this..we've gotten through worse..."
I plead with him like a helpless child.
"Please..." I whisper. He gives me a stern look.
"Im sorry babe, but its over." With that he leaves my apartment. Not even good bye.
"Nooo! Babe please!" I wail after him.
"Dont leave me!"
I cant believe it. He is really leaving me. My mind cant wrap around it. My heart can't take it. Its not strong enough. I clutch my chest at the pain that i feel.
"Dont leave me!"

"...Some people want it all,

But I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't you baby

If I ain't got you baby..."

~Depression~
Its been a week. I haven't moved from the mess that is my bed. My eyes are sore from weeping. My chest hurts from the pain in my heart. My nose is running and I haven't bothered to clean it. Let it run. Let it run. Let the mucus drip and soak my bed and clothes. What difference will it make?
My heart is broken. My world is crashing, and I have no way to stop it.

"...Baby I will wait for you

Cause I dont know what else I can do

Dont tell em I ran out of time

If it takes the rest of my life...

No matter what I have to do, i will wait for you."

~Anger~
Everything pisses me off. The heifer in the back of the class slapping the gum with her tongue. The foolish junior in the lab that can't crystallize the damn silicon to the right size. The incompetent teaching assistant that cant explain a simple absorption column. What the f**k is wrong in the world? is everyone trying to piss me off on purpose???
Oh I know what it is. It is all HIS f**king fault. Oh yea, it is. It certainly is.
If he thinks, he can just walk into my life, love me like a woman, and then just leave me?
Oh, he has GOT to be mistaken.

"Ring the Alarm!

Ive been through this too long

And I'll be DAMNED if I see another chick on your arm.."

~Rage~
Ha ha. Look at his pathetic self. Holding her like she is the most precious thing in the world.
Whore. Too engrossed in each other to even notice they are being followed.
Not like they'll know its even me anyways, disquised in the largest pants and the biggest hoodie I could find in the college bookstore. I look like a gangster from the south side of town. I would scare myself if I wasn't so distracted by my mission.
Yes my mission. I was going to attack the bitch and maybe re-arrange her face a little.
But that would mean assault and battery. Not sure how a criminal record would look on my PhD applications. But then again, it might add that little pazzaz I need to get in you know?
Well maybe to a psych program. Not sure the Chemical Engineering departments would find it amusing. I had thought of making a mixture and mailing it to her apartment, but then..they would trace it back to me. No. Then I would be put on the 'no fly' list and..No.
I'll just settle for destroying the most important thing to him.
His precious little sports car.
I walk to where he parked Elise. Yea.
His precious 2007 Nissan 350z, that he has been working on, and fixing up for the last 2 years. Oh yea..
"Poor Elise..." I whisper as I finger the length of her.
"Poor girl." I say as I put my cheek to the hood as if listening to her heartbeat. All 6 cylinders of her.
"Im real sorry babe. No hard feelings" I say. With that, I climb onto Elise and with one swift practiced motion, I swing.
And then I can't stop.
I had meant to just take out his windscreen, but why stop there? All the windows, the mirrors. And tires. The adrenalin rush is exhilarating. The seats.
Heaving, I stop. I think its enough.
He will NEVER forget.
"Im really sorry Elise." With that I drop the bat. And walk away. Smiling.

~Acceptance~

"I bust the windows out your car

You should feel lucky that was all I did

....I must admit it helped a little bit

to think of how you'd feel when you saw it"

But why am I still crying?

"Heaven has no rage, like love to Hatred turned,

Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."

True story. Well some of it.

xxx

-Fabulo-la

Dead-Weight

2010-12-25T19:45:00.000-05:00

The hardest lesson I've had to learn this year, is that not every friend is a 'friend-forever'.
Its a little painful when you realize though, that some people have absolutely no more use in your life.
Maybe once upon a time, you were sure you would be friends for lifetimes to come. But then they just dropped off the face of your earth and somehow... you can't pick up where you left off.

Friends forever,

Forever friends?

Only in Care-Bear-Wonderland.

Earlier this year, I asked God to remove 'dead-weight' friends from my life. You know, those people that are not adding anything at all. I only just realized, he totally did.
I thought of a certain someone today, and sadly I know that if we ever crossed paths again it just wouldn't be the same. I almost miss them but...

Friends come,

friends go,

I think its time

To let you go.

Everyone has a purpose in your life. Are you fulfilling your purpose in theirs?

I don't want to move into the new year with 'dead-weight'. Do you?

Rotate your mind.

Neither do I want to be a 'dead-weight' friend to anyone.

Reflect your heart.

There is only one 'Friend-for-ever' anyways.

I know Him. (Or at least I think I do)

Do you?

Happy New Year.

xxx

Fabulo-la

Dear You.

2010-12-22T13:31:00.001-05:00

It pains me to write this, and it bruises my ego to imagine the smirk I know you have on your face right now. But as much as I'm writhing in agony typing this, my heart won't let me rest.
One side of my brain won't stop thinking about you. Sometimes when I'm going out I secretly pray to run into you. The other part of my brain is physically disgusted at me for spilling my guts. Yet somehow, here I am writing you this letter. I could probably call someone and fish out your number to call, but the fall that my pride would take from that is too much to bear. I wonder, do you think about me too?
I hope you are happy. As in I really do. Not in that sacarstic way I always ask but...sincerely. I really hope you are happy.
I feel like I owe you an apology. I'm not quite sure what for, but I'm sincerely sorry. I think I might have been an immature bitch to you. But you do have to understand you were also a prick. That being said I'm still sorry.
I would like to see you again and maybe even talk. Not sure what about, but do you think we could still be friends?
I have no hard feelings anymore. Still don't understand why you chose her over me, but I'm past it. I'm just hoping that one day we can move past it.
On one hand I'm hoping you'll see this, on the other....I'm dying of embarassment.
I hope by some fluke you see this, just so you know how I feel.
Either way, if I never see you again I'm praying for your happiness.
I wish you the best married life has to offer.

Xxx

Fabulo-la
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

All Will Be Well

2010-12-07T05:12:00.000-05:00

Will it really?
Do you sincerely believe that all WILL be well?
When you wake up in the morning
and you are wondering how you will pay those bills,

Do you honestly, sincerely, wholeheartedly believe that all will be well?

Or are you just 'chanting' it out of habit?

Are you honestly expectant of when all will eventually be well?
Or are you believing in doubt?

When is eventually anyway?

When is your All going to be Well??

How are you even sure it will be well?

After all, children are still dying in Africa.

xxx
Fabulo-la

I need...

2010-12-07T03:59:00.001-05:00

My words are not merely words on the page

Its a doorway into my mind

An escape.

An entry into my alternate reality,

Though it is still my reality.

But...

I cant seem to find the doorway into this world.

Did I leave it behind?

In my past life?

Or have I forgotten where I packed it?

I need to discover it again.

My mind is suffering a set back.

I need to be seduced by the words that roam my mind...

Not tormented by them.

I need to jump back into my imagination

And bring it to life.

I need Inspiration!

Woes of a 'Crusher'

2010-11-04T06:39:00.000-04:00

Your 6foot 4inch frame is the sexiest thing my eyes have been blessed with in a while.
I just want to kidnap you and keep all that height to myself. Amongst other things. Of course.
When you smile, everything else fades out, and you are all I see.
When you talk, my cells in my brain are stimulated, and I'm dying to 'mind fuck' you.
But you don't give me the chance.

Not when she's draped over you and all but panting and drooling like a Great Dane. No. Definitely not when you follow her around and lap it up as she trips over you. Sadly, I sit and watch as she bathes you with her saliva imagining all the mind fucking that we could be doing.

But its ok. I'll accept it as my lot in life.
I'm fine with just looking at you, and an occasional hello every now and again.

*sigh*

Xxx
Fabulo-la

~I tried to tell you but the words don't come. I tried to talk I got a twisted tongue. Sometimes I wish that you could read my mind and see how I think about it all the time~
Could Have Been-Banky W.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Mediocrity is NOT your friend.

2010-10-13T17:57:00.001-04:00

Its easy to sit comfortably on the outside of a situation, look in and see the problems with said situation. It is even easier, to see the solutions to said problems and wonder why in God's name nothing is being done!
Oh yes, I sat in the comfort of my air-conditioned apartment when the zeal arrested me.
In all fairness, I was minding my own business when Enthusiasm ~~knocked~~ no, barged through my door. I pointed fingers at where I thought the problem was. Ah! I even did my research, and started making suggestions to where the solutions should start from.
The insolence and nerve of me!

Now on the other side of the Atlantic, my blood fresh with malaria parasites, I am dumbfounded. The energy I boarded the plane with has been sucked dry out of me by the mediocre attitude of the nation I was (am?) so passionate about. The mental resistance that might be referred to as 'adapting to the system' slapped me so hard across the face, I cried myself to sleep one night. The disregard for order, and presentation, and mere organization brought me to my knees.
Have I made a mistake crossing the Atlantic in a search to satisfy the so called zeal that arrested me?
Hold up, where is 'Enthusiasm' sef? After dealing with minds that immediately narrow their eyes at you suspiciously on the first hint of a possible accent, the mentality gap drains you. Of energy, and whatever passion you think may have 'arrested' you.
But when I begin to consider the possible mistake or mistakes I may have made and begin to plot an exit strategy, then I realize I am no better than when I was pointing fingers from my cushin shair . The changes I wanted to be a part of nko? Shey it is from my cushin shair I will sit and point towards the change? Wait a minute, am I not displaying the same mediocre attitude I cringed at earlier?

What a cowardly attitude! Shey it is every time I run into a problem I will run away?
This, my dear readers is not the way forward.
There is no better time than now, to BE the change you want to SEE.

Enough. Is. Enough.

xxx
Fabulo-la

P.S. #InOtherNews, HOW in God's name do guys concentrate in church, when girls are rolling their hips in the name of praise and worship? O_o

Failure

2010-10-02T18:20:00.001-04:00

fail.ure
1 - The omission of expected or required action
- a lack or deficiency of a desirable quality
2 - the action or state of not functioning.

Technically according to the dictionary that Apple has so gracefully installed in all their computers, my one biggest fear is staring at me in the face.
The one moment in my life where I thought I knew 'why' I existed on this earth is being mocked.
I was so sure, I was so ready, I was burning with passion.
Or something like it.
The fire has gone stone cold now as I struggle to just exist in this life.
I had a plan, I had a purpose.
But in my race to exist, I must have run off and dropped it somewhere.
But where?
I have searched everywhere.
I have searched inside and outside of me.
Its not under my bed, and I dont think I forgot to pack it.
Or did I?
I have spent the last few months trying to duplicate the circumstances under which I discovered that purpose.
Maybe, just maybe it will show itself again.

Now staring at my imminent failure, the voices in my head are pointing and laughing.
'Well what did you think you could do?' They are saying to me.
They are right aren't they?
I mean what else can I do?
Its like I woke up with amnesia.

What did I do wrong?

I envy all of you who not only know, but are doing.
I hope it doesn't take me another 20-something years to find it.

Dont wait another moment to start living your purpose. its not enough to just find it.

xxx
Fabulo-la

True Story

2010-09-24T02:44:00.002-04:00

Dasola, Funke, Yemi and Ebun, long time high-school friends were relaxing after a long day. It was the first time either one of them had seen Dasola for almost 8 years, so there was much to talk about.
After giggling and catching up for a couple of hours, in a quiet moment that ensued, Funke lamented about how she wanted a new car.

"God knows I really really need a new car. My car has been giving me problems since I got it."
"Did you buy it brand new?" Dasola asked.
"Brand new ke? No o." Funke replied. "It was my dad that gave it to me, after insisting and insisting that I needed one. The fuel gauge doesnt work, the brakes, now thats another story."
"I know what you mean" Ebun said. "My car sef. I kept changing the battery, cause I thought that was what the problem was. Im not even sure anymore. Now what it does is, even after the car is off, the engine still sounds like its on."
"Kia Picanto nko?" Yemi said. "Brand new is really cheap."
"Hahaha! Very funny." Funke laughed. "You, you will be driving 07 Camry, me I should now go and buy picanto? Lai lai."
"But what is wrong with the car now?" Dasola asked
"That tiny car?" Ebun said. "Abeg I agree with Funke jo. Girl like me cannot drive Picanto jere."
"Abi o my sister" Funke laughed as she hi-fived Ebun.
"But what if that is the only car your father offers to buy for you?" Yemi asked.
"Ees okay," Funke answered."He should give me the money, let me be adding to it."

After giggling for a few more minutes, Yemi got a phone call and had to leave. Since she was dropping Dasola off, the two said their good byes.

When Dasola got home, she went to her garage, knelt down in front of her Kia picanto, and started thanking God.
She thanked God that her picanto wasn't giving her problems.
She thanked God that her fuel gauge was working perfectly.
She thanked God that the brakes were in perfect shape.
She thanked God that in this unusually rainy weather, she could wind up her windows AND put the A/C on.
And most of all, she thanked God that, her parents has seen it fit to buy her a brand new car.
Picanto or not.

I hope you learned something from this story, cause I certainly did.

xxx
Fabulo-la

****************************************************
Disclaimer: Names and dates have been changed to protect persons involved. Any semblance to anyone in real-life is totally by accident.

P.S Hello blogsville *insert Wendy William voice* How y'all doin'?

....

2010-07-11T01:50:00.001-04:00

Have I found you?
Beating half of my heart.

[Our minds intertwined as one]

Did my heart unconsciously call out to you?
Eager and open?

Have I found you?

Or am I staring at a reflection of my memory,
remembering it into existence?

Listening to: Flightless Bird- Iron and Wine

Maybe

2010-07-06T00:22:00.000-04:00

Like a water balloon about to burst
My emotions are threatening to spill
But where would they fall?
On my already soaked and heavy heart?
Who would catch them?
My arms ache under the weight of my unspilled emotions
My eyes sting from trying to hold them in.
Big girls don't cry.
Big girls don't cry?
Engineers don't cry.
How would you explain the pile of used tissue in my closet?
Maybe the tooth fairy left that when she came?
Or the mice I recently discovered in my house left it after watching that dvd that's been in the back of the closet?

Maybe I'm tired.
Maybe I'm just stressed.

Or maybe this is me telling you, I wish you would hold me while emotions free fall out of control, and tell me its okay.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Is God Partial?

2010-06-25T13:12:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: I am not about to prove a point.

Just to tell you what I think, and then you can tell me what you think.

So, is God partial?

I totally think so. I know the Bible says he will have mercy on whom choses to have mercy on, but then it also says, He makes rain fall on the just and unjust abi?

Honestly those answers were not enough for me.
I mean, do I just sit here and hope and pray that he will have mercy on me?

See, I think God is partial to believers over non-believers. I think He was partial to James, Peter and John over the other nine disciples. And of course, how can we forget David, man after Gods own heart?

When Im not being plagued by 'where was Daniel when his friends were being burnt' kinda questions, I am constantly intrigued by the life of David.

I think David's problems began when he took Uriah's wife, and then on top of it killed the man! I can never stop wondering what was going through his head at that point. Then was he trying to cover up by sending the man home? I mean is the power of lust THAT strong?
Well that is another story.

But, God even sent the prophet to point out what he did wrong when david himself couldn't see it.

I thought there was a principle: the higher the esteem you are held in, the greater your punishment.
I guess not.

All Ananias and his wife did was embezzle money and look where it took them! They didn't even get a chance to repent!

Even Solomon received mercy because of his father, David.

I dont know about you, but it looks to me like David had a lot of pull with God. After reading and re-reading on the life of David, I might see why.

First of all, anybody that can stand to a 10-foot tall giant with five stones, and still BELIEVE *insert laughter* that he would conquer him has got to be mad in my books.
But David did, and I cant hep but think that he must have known something about God that we don't no?
Every time I read that story I imagine David literally having conversations with God as he is tending the sheep. As in really 'hanging out' with him. How else would he have gotten to know him?

I mean I know God *scratches head* but when my 5-foot professor was standing in front of me telling me I was not good enough, I cried. At that point God was honestly far from my mind.
But here is this little boy telling this 10-foot giant that his God will deliver the philistine into his hands?

*iLaugh*

And then when he became King, he sought God in E. V. E. R. Y. T. H. I. N. G.
Like ' God should I go battle these people'?
And then God would say 'Yes go ahead, I will give them into your hands'.
Or 'God should I attack these ones?'
And then God would be like ' Nah..go through the back when you hear marching then attack' (or something like that.)

I can definitely see why David was a man after Gods own heart.

And true, God may still chose to whom he shows mercy but as for me sha I want to err on the side of partiality.

Again, I am not proving any point, this is just what I came up with while studying.

So? What do you think?
Is God partial?

xxx
Fabulo-la

Spartan Coffee and other things.

2010-06-22T00:04:00.000-04:00

I sat down to coffee with my Greek-former lover (read that word loosely) the other day,
and for the life of me, I couldn't concentrate on listening to what he was saying.
He was going on and on about how busy summer school is and what not, but all I could think of as I sat there was..my very own spartan. My very own spartan.
While he was rambling on and on about some programming assignment, I blinked and whoa!
There he was in front of me dressed like a Roman general, sword, cape and all.
The way he stood, and the authority in his stance...wow.
Next thing I know, he bowed ever so slightly slightly and said 'My lady'.
I put my hand to my chest in utter shock and disbelief only to realize I was dressed like a Grecian princess. Let me just say,the fabrics are even more grander than they look on TV.
I curtsied slightly and replied 'Sire'.

'Fabulo-la! Fabulo-la! Are you ok?'
And just like that, my dream as a Grecian princess with my Roman general pissed into the air.
Needless to say, listening to him ramble on and on and some computer something was just not...
No. I went back home to watch Gladiator. Again. For the 46th time.
Whatever.

My overactive imagination has foiled a perfectly good coffee..err...date?
Just like the other time that I had dinner and imagined dude was someone else the WHOLE time.

Seriously? Is my imagination going to be my curse?

Then there was the time I ... dreamt of... Lil' Wayne.
You know what?
I'll stop there.

In other news...
Notice the license on the side??
Yes. My. Work. Is. Licensed.
All the ~~stealing~~ ~~thieving taking~~ copying-without-sourcing going around
I had to take drastic measures..so.. Be warned!
You can be sued o!

Now that is out of the way *dusts hands*

Ms.O mentioned on her blog that she will be more open about her feelings.
*now scratching head while contemplating whether to try it*
Hmmm..... *still scratching head*
Hmm..yea...no.
Not happening.
Sorry Ms. O, you are on your own with that.
Good luck with it though.

NiceAnon mentioned that my blog did a 360 on her.
*shrugs*
I like to think that I just .... discovered myself.
Im still giving gist, just in a err...errm..coded way?
Lool

In other news, do you think David and Uriah are friends?
The thought has been plaguing me all week.

Hope you guys are good?
xxx
Fabulo-la

P.S. The 2nd round of Nigerian Blog Awards is here. Go vote!

My Way, or Yours?

2010-06-19T01:59:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is not the day my life will begin.

Yesterday is not when it ends either.

Regret will eat away at your mind,

Leaving you forever in yesterday.

Worry will eat away at your heart,

Leaving you forever in never.

Will I live today wondering if my

grandchildren will regret this moment?

Will I live my life wondering if my children

will be thankful for this life?

Will I live my life satisfying

your expectations?

Will I suppress my existence

because it makes no sense to you?

Or will I go bounding into my future?

Armed with my passion and faith?

With my eyes fixed on the Author and Perfecter,

does it really matter?

Does it?

xxx

Fabulo-la

P.S. To everyone that checked up on me, Thanks ;)

Just been a rough....couple of days.

xxx

Dear All-who-are-concerned

2010-06-14T16:47:00.000-04:00

Leave.

Me.

The Fuck ALONE!

Your opinion on how my life should go

IS NOT YOUR CONCERN!

I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT!

xxx

Fabulo-la

Missing 'It'.

2010-06-10T23:23:00.000-04:00

Ever met a guy that was perfect for you?

On paper that is.

In theory, he could easily be the man of your dreams.

But not in reality.

In reality, you find that there is something missing.

Something...vital.

You can't put your finger on it,

but you know 'it' is missing.

Do you know what I mean?

For example, imagine being insanely attracted to someone.

Emotionally, you are in sync.

But thats not all, on top of the physical attraction,

your minds connect....intellectually.

(I could go on and on...)

Now imagine what it would be like to be intimately connected to someone like that?

Do you now see what I mean?

Im not talking about the innocence of first love here.

Im talking about the kind where two people

that have matured with experience (not age)

are meeting on the same level where they can be bound together.

(yes, bound because it is that deep)

I mean wouldn't you want to give yourself to that person?

Wholly and completely?

Yea, thats the kind of love I'm talking about.

Its goes beyond just being physically attracted to someone.

Its beyond just knowing that that girl, will make a good wife.

Its beyond whether or not I have child bearing hips.

Its much more than that.

Waaay more than that.

I've been trying to explain this to someone,

but its like .... pulling teeth.

How do yo begin to quantify this in ONE word?

Is there even a word for it?

Do you feel me?

Or am I lost in my bubble needing to be rescued?

xxx

Fabulo-la

This is a Long Distance Love Story.

2010-06-04T20:44:00.007-04:00

They are like two butterflies

Dancing to the music of their hearts

Oblivious to the vices of the world around them.

To him, she is more than beautiful,

In three different languages.

In her eyes, he sees his future.

In her eyes, he wants to erase her past.

With his hands he longs to protect her,

In his hands he longs to hold her.

With his lips he vows to be hers,

With those lips he prays to God to watch over her.

In his heart she lives,

His heart she holds in her hands.

Nothing, not even the seven seas can separate them.

Dangerously he loves her with his soul.

Through all the days they have been apart,

through all the seas they will have to cross,

through distance and time,

he will be waiting.

And all I can do is watch as he sends his love to her

across the seven seas and oceans,

and pray that my love, one day, will reach as far

as this.

(and not stop in New Jersey on its way to Maryland)

Dedicated to:

My bumchums, Miss Undecover07, Miss Jayla, Miss Fabs
Giagerry, HappyBBB, Buttercup and Charii, Musco
and everyone else in an LDR.

Stay Strong

xxx

Fabulola

Its my life

2010-06-02T08:28:00.000-04:00

...or is it?

At what point do my decisions start being mine?

And stop being theirs?

At what point can I say

'Screw it! Im doing what I want, not what you think is best'?

At what point do I stop sucking it up,

and take that leap of faith into what could possibly be a pot of HOT oil?

I might as well suck it up for another 365 days.

After all I already sucked it up for the last... 2,192 days.

Really what difference will 365 make now?

Shebi I will be learning something in the process?

If I dont like it, well no knowledge is lost...right?

But what if that 365...slowly becomes another...2192?

Will I have lost myself then?

'Dont bite the hand that feeds you'

The one that is offering the food you dont necessarily want to eat nko?

Even if the food is good for you?

Will it really kill me to not eat it?

or will it kill me to eat it?

Lord what do I do?

xxx

Fabulo-la

Dear Lord

2010-05-25T00:39:00.000-04:00

I haven't had a great year, in fact it has been horrible.
The friend monster has taken some friends away from me,
this is not quite where I thought I'd be today.
My hair is still short, those blush pink shoes still haven't gone on sale,
(Im a size 8/8.5 if you are wondering ;))
I still dont have that dream job, ~~lets not even begin with the dream man~~.

Dear Lord, nothing seems to be going right!

But, I'm not here to complain.
What I really want to say is thank you.

Im grateful for the horrible year that just went by,
because it means I have lived to see another one.
I am grateful for the friends I have lost,
because I've gained some invaluable ones in the last year.
I am grateful for where I am in my life,
because I know you are taking me somewhere.
I am grateful for the job that you are preparing for me
because I know you are in total control.
I have 2 hands, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 ears all working!
I have a mummy and daddy complete, and all my siblings are in one piece!

Dear Lord, I really dont mean to complain.
All I want to say is Thank you.
(Longer hair and the blush pink shoes will be nice sha.)

xxx
Fabulo-la

Happy Birthday to me! And CrazySexyLadyX!

Mind Sex.

2010-05-09T23:11:00.001-04:00

Yes. Mind sex.
What? You say you've never had mind sex?
Ever? As in, not even for a moment???
*Gasp*
Well relax and let me tell you what mind sex is.

Mind sex.
It is not when he speaks that
sends butterflies flittering through your belly.
It is not when he touches you
that your body is aroused.

Oh no, not at all.
It is what he says that tingles your spirit.
It is the words that breathe life into the ideas that form in his mind
that caress your body.
It is his thoughts for a future,
his future that give you goosebumps, and leave you wishing you
were a part of that future.
And the present that will eventually make the future.

It is the passion that burns in him
that catches on to you, setting your body on fire.

No, it is not when he touches you.

It is when his ideas reach out to your ideas
and in the process of discussing them,
your ideals and values are aroused
and excited almost like they've been awoken
from a deep slumber,
and the more you talk about it,
the more you want to continue to this climax
where there will be nothing,
no one else left in this world
but you, him....

... and your minds.

And then you wonder to yourself,
who is this superior being?

And, and...can you ~~steal~~ borrow his mind?

Take a Moment

2010-05-04T00:51:00.002-04:00

The next time a friend of yours irritatingly annoys you,

before you curse her out,

take a moment and thank God.

The next time that obnoxious dude nearly runs you over,

and still yells at you even though you had the right of way?

Take a moment and thank God.

The next time your bank over charges you for silly things,

even though they told you it was a free student checking account,

Take a breath, and give thanks.

The next time your current world crashes around you,

and everything you have built up to that point

begins to fizzle before your very eyes,

take a moment and Thank Him.

The next time you wonder where all your money went,

even though all you've done is pay bills,

Say a prayer and thank God.

The next time you walk out of your house,

and everything that can go wrong does go wrong,

Stop, take a deep breath and thank God.

The next time you break down,

and the only thing you can do is cry,

cry like your life needed it to survive,

clean your nose,

(you dont have to clean your eyes

but talking with a runny nose is kinda gross)

And thank God. Out loud.

Why?

Because it is in that moment of thanking Him,

it is in that moment of surrendering to Him,

that He will show himself to you.

The question is, do you want to see Him?

I had a moment today,

and uncharacteristically I thanked Him.

Now?

I won't stop thanking Him.

xxx

Fabulo-la

Apologies

2010-04-26T18:20:00.000-04:00

For a few years now, I have been haunted by the guilt that I may have hurt someone's feelings.
No, I did not do anything drastic, neither does this involve a heartbreak of any kind.
It was just...my words.
I said something that I instantly regretted. Ok not instantly.
But I regretted it nonetheless.
This was in highschool. This someone wasnt completely innocent then either.
But still as the years have gone on, and as I haven't seen or spoken to her in almost ten years,
I have always considered apologizing if or when I run into her.
Because you know, it is inevitable that I will run into her.
But, I never imagined that she would read my blog.
Or that I would read hers.
An interesting turn of events, no?
I want to apologize to her,
but I don't know if she ~~still~~ holds a grudge against me.
Hell I dont if she even remembers me.
I also have to say, I am a little scared as to how she might take it.
Cause you see, she has every right to insult me and dismiss me.
What I said was horrible.
I am hoping that after ten years, she will have forgotten? Maybe even forgiven me?
Or who knows, maybe she wasn't even hurt at all!
Yes I know, selfish.

But what do you think?
Should I go ahead?
And apologize?
Out of the blue?
How would you take it?

xxx
Fabulo-la

P.S. SHE *arrogant stare* Would you like the shoes? Afterall I did pick your number.

Which would you choose?

2010-04-20T21:02:00.004-04:00

Would you rather be struck by body numbing pain
that leaves you bent over, tired from throwing up the linings of your stomach?

Or would you prefer to deal with a headache the size of Texas
that feels like an epic battle is being waged inside of your head?

Would you rather sit in expectancy waiting
for the pain to numb you?

Or would you rather carry around a tube of dependence-possible
drugs that promise to relieve the temporary blindness of your headaches?

Would you rather live with the possibility that
your chances of bringing forth life have been slashed by 70%?

Or would you rather live with the possibility that
there might be a mass of cells growing in your head causing the headaches?

Would you rather be doubled over in
mind numbing stomach curling pain?

Or would you rather be struck by splitting random headaches
that cause temporary blindness?

Again I ask cause you see, I had to choose.

So which is it?

Which slow painful death would you choose?

xxx

Fabulo-la

10 Things I love + Others

2010-04-18T23:29:00.000-04:00

So I was tagged by Myne to do '10 Things I love'

Ok Im starting with #2: Well thats easy. Shoes! I know its ironic that Im giving some of them away, but like I said Im ~~bribing~~ using the principle that 'It is more blessed to give than receive'. Even though every time I pick one to give away its like breaking up with a lover. yea i just used that analogy.

Which brings me to #1: God! Of course! Dear God, I know I whine and complain all the time, but its true! Honest! Cross my heart and err... ok no crossing of hearts. But we cool God?

#3: Well I love reading. I can devour several books in a day, if I was left to it. Sadly I haven't read in a while, except these damn math textbooks. Which dont really count do they? Yah I didn't think so.

#4: I love writing too. It...frees me. I cant quite explain it more. Yea, I find freedom in my writing. Gosh my computer is like my treasure chest. I will DIE if anyone got their hands on it. The things you w-ok I will stop there now.

#5: Chocolate. Specifically Dove smooth milk chocolate. There is something very sexy about that chocolate, I dont know what. I can eat it all day.

#6: I love cat-walking. Err... yes you heard me right. The world is my runway. Literally. Ok well the truth is, I err.. tried out to be a model but..err...well I am too short. 2 inches so yes this is my consolation gift to myself. Walk the whole damn world like its a freaking runway. Yeolz ke.

#7........ Can I put shoes again? No? okay .......Oh! I have one, I like speed. I cant explain it but the adrenalin rush, the purr of the engine when you slowly release the clutch...err ok you get it.

#8 I love to make myself laugh. Its almost comical really. The littlest things tickle me. LOL! I just laughed out loud typing that. I dont know why. Hehehehehehe (The funny thing is Im actually giggling as Im typing this)

#9 I love my friends. I dont tell them enough cause I hate being all mushy mushy and..ugh yea. but I do. I have some of the most patient friends ever.
The ones that patiently allow me to rant on bbm and in emails, the ones that don't take it personal when I err..screen their calls (Zuby baby I love you you know that?)
The ones that just allow me to be me. Silly, comical, always joking around me, and dont judge me for it or say things like 'Act your age'. Yea those friends. Gosh I love you guys.
Ok! Mushiness over.

#10 I have to say, I looooooove Blogsville! Like yo! You guys rock! from Brokeass to Fabulo-la, I am having a swell time! I always have a swell time, drama or no drama. My sanity is in check partly cause of you. I hope you guys love me too sha? lool

I tag Neefemi, Juiceebaby, RepressedOne, Taynement, Bubbles and Undercover07.

The last poem was written about something that happened a looooooong time ago. Any one ever tell you, 'Im sorry, it was not my intention'? Bullshit excuse if you ask me. Thats why I wrote it.
Besides, everybody knows, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
Well if you didnt know, now you do ;)

In other news, meet Taiye. There is actually a Kehinde.
8.5, very loyal and versatile. Friday I will give her a new owner.
Excuse the mess, I was cleaning I promise ;)

Without further ado

...

HappyBBB You are getting Yellow ;)

Oya lemme know where to send it to.

xxx
Fabulo-la

The Road to Hell.

2010-04-15T00:46:00.002-04:00

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

You tell me yes

But what you really meant was no.

But then you say,

'Well what I really wanted to say was yes

But circumstances arrested

and situations controlled me

and decisions evaded me

and all I could say at that time was no.

You see, it wasn't really my fault, I intended to say yes

But when I opened my mouth,

Alas! it was no.

So you see, my intentions were good.'

But as I stand here,

staring at the broken pieces

you left in this pot of disappointment

wondering which circumstances arrested you

and what situations controlled you

and where your head was that decisions evaded you

The only thing I have to say is

Fuck you, 'cause you are on your way to Hell.

xxx

Fabulo-la

Shoe Giveaway #2

2010-04-15T00:38:00.001-04:00

We have a winner!

Renesugarplumsweetness is our first winner!
I promise you I didn't rig it. ;)
Congratulations Rene.

These are the second pair of shoes. Feel free to spam away.

I think I am going to cry :'(. These are one of my favorites. I called her Yellow. 'Cause well they are yellow. She sorta reminds me of a calabar yellow girl. I have no idea why. Ok Before the tears start flooding Abike (my laptop) I better stop.
*Gasp* What? You dont name your electronics???
*side eye* what are you abnormal? Dont let Kiki (my iPod) hear you o! She will think I am crazy. Which I'm clearly not.
Right?
Right. Didn't think so.

Anyways, Yellow is a size 8M. I definitely wore her more than twice. Maybe four? I forget. I will leave this up for 5 days. Monday night I will pick another winner. Again feel free to leave as many comments as you like.
And again, I apologize tremendously that I cannot ship to Nigeria.

There will be another pair of shoes on Monday.

UPDATE: I CAN ship to Lagos. Lagos only apparently. So feel free my fellow Lagosians to spam away. They say it takes 7-10 business days ;)

Dear God, shey you see what I am doing? I hope my ~~bribery~~ giving is working.

xxx
Fabulo-la

Ohhh!

2010-04-12T12:12:00.002-04:00

I love you to a fault.
Something about that sentence just..doesn't seem right.
Unconditional love yea..but to a fault? I dont know about that.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Its a world of nothingness with colors filled in.

Just like happyBBB, uncertainty is like a cloud of despair
hovering over my head, waiting just waiting
for me to trip over my confusion so it can
rain down regrets on me.
I refuse.
This is the time to trust God no?
Well I will ~~try~~.

I almost don't want to say whether the last post was fiction or not.
Spilt Ink I have slapped myself. Thank you very much.
Not all of it is fiction. Can you guess which?

Gosh! I had another random, yet elaborate dream.
Cant wait to blog about it.
I was shocked myself.

So I have to move soon, (where to? Only God knows)
Going through my stuff, books, papers, shoes, books, shoes shoes...
Its like all I have are shoes and books. SMH
So I have decided to give some away. Shoes not books.
I could probably sell them, and I will sell some.
But I want to give some away, cause well...
its better to give than to receive no?

Ok yea yea yea..Im trying to bribe God to bless me, oya sue me!

~~Its a size 8, I have worn it...actually I haven't worn it yet.~~
~~This is 'Toye'. (Yes I name my shoes). She is my serious-no-nonsense-yet-not-an-old-receptionist pair of pumps. I think she has 4inches on her.~~
~~If you like it, leave a comment I'll pick at random.~~
~~I dont know if I can ship to Nigeria. And SA customs is insane. So if you are there sorry :(~~
~~Everywhere else I believe so...~~
~~If nobody likes it...well i will give my shoes away to Salvation Army niyen.~~
~~*sniff sniff*~~

Gone.

Hope you guys are good?
xxx

Fabulo-la

Things we do.

2010-04-09T00:17:00.000-04:00

'Im sorry I'm late but I'm hungry'
were his words as he stood at my door
sweat glistening on his chocolate body
even though the sun was long gone.

How could I resist those eyes? Or that smile?
For what seemed like forever, we stood there
the chemistry so strong, it sent electrical charges to my brain
causing my pulse to quicken so fast, I had to gasp to catch up.

He pleaded with his eyes for me to let him in
Little did he know I was already calculating
what food to give him that will ensure
the shortest route from his stomach to his heart.

As I placed the bowl of steaming amala and ewedu
in front of him, his lips mouthed the words 'thank you'
Though I couldn't really hear cause I was imagining what
those lips would feel like. On my skin.

Cause you see, they'd been there before.
Soft lips, that caused my body to convulse every time he kissed me.
Soft lips that temporarily caused amnesia when they touched mine.
Soft lips that were a breath away, yet so far.

I watched as he ate wondering what had gotten him
so hungry that he would wolf down such a heavy meal
at such an odd hour, and how did I even find the
strength to turn this amala this night?

After he was done eating he smiled a warm smile
and said 'Thank you' and in what seemed like slow motion
He got up and kissed me on the cheek.
The cartwheels in my stomach were going at 220mph.

But it wasnt really slow motion
And he didnt really kiss my cheek
But what he said was,
'Thanks I gotta get back to my girlfriends house'.

Fiction. Or is it? I wonder...
xxx
Fabulo-la

P.O.W

2010-04-07T01:03:00.000-04:00

I am a prisoner of the words in my head
I start to speak,
But the words betray me.
Afraid of what they might do.
Afraid that the words will
Expose me.
Expose my mind.
Leave me
Vulnerable.

I am a prisoner of the words in my head.
I start to speak
But I say something else.
Afraid that you will see my words
For what they really are.
Not just words.
But me.
Me in a way you've never seen before.
Me, in all my fear,
In all my weakness.
Me, open.
Not hiding under the shield that is silence,
Not hiding under blank expressions.
Cause you see, even my expressions betray me.

I am a prisoner of the words in my head.
Afraid to speak,
yet writing this for you to see.

Finally.

2010-04-05T23:35:00.001-04:00

Finally I think have found a template I can deal with.
I miss the green though, but this red..
This red speaks to me. I cant explain it.
Makes me just want to pour out my heart to it.
Give myself to it.
Yes, the color makes me do that.

NiceAnon, I miss the happy-go-lucky-gist-giving Fabulo-la too.
But she has been drained a little this semester.
Ive thrown myself so much into school and writing, there doesnt seem to be anything left.
So gist seems to come unnoticed these days.
Abi you want to hear about my sugaring experience this past weekend?
Lets just say I know why the guys TOTALLY advocate for TOTAL hair removal.
You cant blame them sha.
I was feeling very pleased with myself when the woman kept saying 'its organic, its organic, its organic'.
I know Aunty Juicee will be very proud of me abi?

Out of my reality
I needed to go
Out of my reality I went
Escape was temporary
Escape was shortlived
Escape was useless.

Back in my reality I am
And in my reality I will stay.
Why fret?
HE is here, in my reality.
HE is my reality.
What are you worried about?
He can be your reality too.

~~At least that is what he said~~

xxx
Fabulo-la

Son of a Gun

2010-04-02T01:20:00.000-04:00

My mind is blind
To the words in my head

My heart is deaf
To the words that I hear

My soul is longing
For the words that I feel

My body is trembling
at the words that you speak.

This just popped into my head. I have no idea what it means.
Or why its even there sef.

Been dealing with blogger
And bloody templates since morning.

My head cant wrap around it.
Now I done gone and messed up my blog.

Im sick of all the math and calculations
Will I really be calculating the area of a hyperbolic triangle at work???

Communication, communication ,communication.
I think communication ~= actions. (Approximately equal to)
No?
Not that words are useless, just that actions speak louder.
So therefore, take note of what I do, not what Im NOT saying.

(Lovers) - (Friends) = ?
(Lovers* Friends) - (Lovers) = ?

After this woman's pet chimp attacked her,
you think she will get another chimp as a pet?
What if after the attack she decided to give the chimp another chance?

Human beings nko?
I mean they do as much damage to our ~~hearts~~ ~~lives~~ hearts
yet we let THE SAME people back in.

Are we not inviting trouble to lie with us?

I bet you think this post is about you, dont you?
I thought you would.

Love is a four letter word. But so is Fuck. That. Shit. -Bubbles

xoxo

Fabulo-la

Ohhh!

2010-04-01T22:23:00.004-04:00

Ive messed with my blog all in the name of changing the template!
Now I dont know what I have done.
Hissssss

Cash ya lerra

xxx

Fabulo-la

The Day 'They' Visited.

2010-03-30T22:47:00.003-04:00

You are sitting in your apartment minding your own business, watching some mindless television. A re-run of Friends or the latest gory episode of Family Guy. Doesn't really matter, point is you are minding your own business. All of a sudden there is a knock on your door, and the two strangest people walk in.

One is a woman. An ugly old woman, that is green from head to toe. She has green straggly hair, a face so wrinkled she gives the old woman that lives in her shoe a run for her money. Her eyes are a deep piercing green, and her teeth are crooked and she is missing the two incisor teeth. She walks with a green cane that looks like it will give out any second. Surprisingly she is wearing a green trench coat. Its surprising because the coat is something you would pick out. It has a military inspired collar and a belt that would cinch your waist perfectly.

The other is a man, and it looks like his facial features are in the wrong places. His nose is high way up the top of his head, pointing in the air. His eyes are way down below where his nose should be, obstructing his view. He is wearing a vest with waist pants and a pocket watch that make him look like he just stepped out of 1920's England. Even with his mis-aligned facial feature, he still has a 'I'm better than you look on his face'. Ok now.

Just by looking at them, you already know who they are. You have been entertaining their presence for a while now, you just didnt know it.
"Yes? Hello, can I help you?" You mutter.
Help us? Why no child. We are here for you." green woman mutters, saliva falling from her mouth as she speaks.
You see, you've been entertaining the thought of us for so long, we figured we might as well drop by and introduce ourselves. Right Judy?" she asks her companion.

Judy, with his head lifted so he could see me clearly and his nose higher in the air snorts in response.

"Excuse my friend, he just feels he has better things to do."
"What do you want with me" you ask, a little sheepish and scared that these people sought you out.
"Well you see, I have come to give you this green coat Im wearing, seeing as you have already been thinking like me." She answers.

"What do you mean?" You ask.
"Sweetheart, you think we dont know? Everytime you look at a girl that has a flashier car than you, and you think to yourself 'What has he done to deserve that car? I should have a car like that.' You are entertaining us, dont you know?" She replies.
"Uhh..."
"Lemme explain to you" she says sending drops of saliva flying everywhere.
"Do you remember when that girl changed her phone for the 4th time this month? And you were wondering how, why, and where she was getting the money from? And when that guy, who seemingly does nothing, at all has all this money to spend, traveling everywhere anytime he likes, buying anything he wants? Yes you remember? Well there was a look in your eye, a scowl on ur face, and your nose was turned up. It was at that moment i just KNEW I, I mean we had to come visit."

She glanced at Judy who was siting on the edge of the sofa, legs crossed with a disgusted scowl on his face.
"You know, Im too good for this Ginny. I really should not be here." Ginny ignored him focusing on me.
"This coat is for you" she said taking off her fabulous green coat and handing it to you.

"Go on, try it on" She insists. You hesitate for a moment. But just for a moment, because as soon as she had walked in that door, you had already imagined the coat on you.
You gingerly slip into the coat, careful to savor the moment as imagine how fabulous you will look in it.

Looking down at yourself, you have to say it is fabulous.
"Take a look in the mirror" she insists pushing you towards the full length mirror in your kitchen. As you step in front of the mirror you are amazed by what you see. The coat is even more fabulous than you imagined.

But wait, something else is happening. Wrinkles are appearing on your face. Visible, noticeable wrinkles around your eyes, on your hands. But wait, its not all, your nose has moved positions! Its in the air just like Judy's. Judy seems to crack a smile at the horror that has over come you. But wait, its not all, something else is happening.
Slowly, just slowly, your skin is turning green. Not a nice shade of green, but puke green.
Your hands, your face, your eyes....

-Whenever people are jealous or selfish, they cause trouble and do all sorts of cruel things.
-Let us walk properly...not in strife and envy.
-You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

Don't let the green eyed monster get you!

xxx
Fabulo-la

Do you know?

2010-03-28T23:43:00.002-04:00

Would you rather be struck by body numbing pain that leaves you bent over, tired from throwing up the linings of your stomach?
Or would you prefer to deal with a headache the size of texas that feels like an epic battle is being waged inside of your head?

Why is it so hard to have faith?
Why is it so hard to believe and KEEP believing?

N500,000 on drinks alone for a wedding?
Or ~$50 in court and call it a day?

Am I cursed by the fact that it is passion that drives me and not ambition?

Friends. SMH.
Whatever happened to real friendship?

Can I come to terms with the fact that what I want, is not
necessarily what I need?

Rotate your mind
Reflect your heart.
Is it really that hard?

Some wounds run deeper than we actually think they do.
Does yours still hurt?

I am more than my legs, my breasts, my ass
The question is, do YOU know that?

I wanted to write something else completely different.
But I forgot...

xxx
Fabulo-la

P.S. Where did Arewa go?
Did she close her blog?

Thank you guys;)

2010-03-23T07:20:00.002-04:00

Excuse my gloomy lingering mood that has refused yo go away.
I appreciate the comments, BBMs, emails, borrowing me some faith, everything.
I think the tough love was necessary.
Did a little self-reflection and..well I guess the gloominess has gone on for to long yea?
(Though Tisha, it doesn't have anything to do with love)
Right after I hit send on that post, I spoke to a friend of mine,
And it wasn't really what he said it was how and the way he said it.
A while ago I blogged about how it seemed like my friends didn't get me?
Well it was weird cause he was the last person I expected to be able to deal with me.
But he did. I think it was just what I needed at that time.

So anyways, I have hung up the coat of gloom
And Im taking it one day at a time
(with faith)

Now I just need something to blog about?
Any ideas?

Hope you guys are doing fabulous?
xxx

Fabulo-la

P.S. Happy pills are still welcome if anyone has any :D

Bleh..

2010-03-21T16:20:00.004-04:00

I cant describe this feeling...other than bleh.
Bleh. Bland. Vapid. Ugh. Not even so so.
I hope this is a phase cause I cannot live like this I swear.
These days I have no desire to do anything, talk to anybody.
Even to get work done sef. Maybe I am biting more than I can chew.
Ugh. All I want to do is crawl under my covers and allow my mind to escape into another world.

Ugh. Bleh. Bland. tasteless. Lacking liveliness.
Almost like I want something MAJoR to happen, so I can officially lose it.
Not that I am praying for anything bad to happen, but you get my point.
Well if you don't, sorry.

I have this glazed, not interested look pasted on my face.
I cant wipe it off, but not like I really want to.

Everybody keeps saying to 'Have Faith, have faith have faith...'
Really?
For how much longer?
Shey you still have faith?

Im this close (-0.000000000000000000000001s) to losing it.
Interpret that however you want.

Im too tired to care.
Anybody have access to some 'happy' pills?

Fabulola

Phobias

2010-03-11T18:53:00.000-05:00

You know how some people are afraid of snakes, spiders, heights...? Well for me its different. I didn't quite have a phobia until a few years ago. When I moved-no make that ran-away. And its ironic because the very place I ran away from is where I have chosen to 'spring break'.
Yea, I have florida-phobia. While it may sound funny and heelarious, its a lil more serious than that. When I moved away from here, I swore NEVER to return. Why I decided to come back here, I don't know.
But honestly as I sit here on the beautiful whitesand beach, with my heart constricting in my ribcage causing me to choke as I breathe, with a brave smile on my face all I'm wishing is to go back to snow country New York. Seeing everything again, where I used to live, work, the place I.... The emotions I thought were buried away are threatening to overflow and crush me. I don't want to ruin this for anybody else.
I. Just. Want. To. Go. Home.

Xxx
Fabulo-la
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Once a Lover, Never a Friend

2010-01-31T13:13:00.002-05:00

I was in love once.
Honestly, violently, dangerously in love.
It was everything they say love is, and more.
I don't regret it. On the contrary I am happy for it.
It was an experience.
I can only pray to find love like that again.

But as the saying goes,
An old lover can never be a friend.
I have no interest in being 'friends' with him.
Acquaintances sef, that na loooong thing.
I dont know how all of you people do it,
But I am not one to be friends with old lovers.
What exactly is the point?
What is the essence of the friendship biko?
I am having a seizure at the mere thought of it.
Yah, its that serious.

So imagine my shock when a good friend told me to call up
'said' lover and let him know how I felt about our relationship.
That it would be good for him to hear.
Biko what am I supposed to say?
"Oh hey, yah err...just wanted to let you know that even though I dont talk to you anymore, what we had was great"?
Really?
I dont know about that one o.
But I thought it was interesting.
What do you think?

Does an old lover need to know what you think about your relationship?

xxx Fabulo-la

P.S. Thanks for checking on me guys, Niceanon and Repressed One. Been studying for thr GREs. That exam wan scatter my brain I tell u!
Im reading your blogs, not commenting as much, but I am there. Just in case you were wondering :)

Dreaming with a Broken Heart...

2010-01-12T15:25:00.004-05:00

I roll over and reach over to your side of the bed.
Nothing.
For a split second I sit up in bed panicking....
But then I smell pancakes and I remember. Our only day off together, and you offered to make me breakfast in bed.
Even though you know I will loose it, because everyone knows food is not to be eaten in bed!
I fall back to bed with a smile on my lips, I must be the luckiest girl in the world.

**************************

I wake up 20 minutes later after dozing off.
Where are you? But more importantly, where are my pancakes?
I get out of bed and head to the kitchen, but then I look down and realize..I'm naked. Smiling sheepishly I grab my silk robe. We wouldn't want your visiting brother to see me like this now would we?
With a hop in my step, I skip downstairs to the kitchen.
Babe! I yell. You are not in the kitchen. The TV in the living room is on, but you are not there watching the Lakers get beaten either. Are you washing your car again? I know how much you love that thing.
No. Not there either.
I walk around to the pool.
Maybe you went for a dip? Even though I know you can't swim.
No not there either. Confused I walk back inside. Where are you? Just then I catch a glimpse of the empty 'dodo' tray.
Ah, of course! You went to get more.
I should have known. That's one of the reasons I love you so much. You know just what to do to keep me happy. Even if its just remembering to buy more 'dodo'.

My heart bursting with pride and love, I climb back upstairs to lie down. I slip out of my robe and climb into bed. I will be right here when you get back.

***********************************

Kaboom! Thunder strikes. I wake up soaked. Sweat? No...tears. And I'm cold. You are still not here. I go to the bathroom to blow my nose. I turn on the lights...but wait...
I'm not in your house. I'm in my..cold apartment. Alone. And my eyes are swollen. And I'm wearing your T-shirt. And then it hit me.

I've been dreaming with a broken heart....

xxx
Aloisa
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

If I should die...

2010-01-05T04:32:00.002-05:00

...before I wake

I pray thee Lord, my soul to take.

Thursday night, went to church.

Back home Friday morning.

Same shit. Different day.

Happy New Year.

If 2006 was a painful year,

and in 2008 my heart broke,

In 2009, my heart bled.

The pain I felt was physical.

I have refused to reflect on '09

Because the pain associated with doing that is too much.

The process of growing up is harrowing.

I do not mean to be a kill-joy

I am just seeking the strength to put the year behind me.

Just like you all seem to have done.

Changing the dates alone is not working.

Maybe, just maybe I will be able to come to terms

with the year that was..

Until then...

...If I should die before I wake

I pray dear Lord my soul to take.

xxx

Fabulo-la

2009-12-15T14:35:00.003-05:00

... and I have failed.

Yet again.

Completely Misunderstood

2009-12-11T01:05:00.003-05:00

Why can't anyone see

That its really just a shell?

A front?

A fence?

A wall?

Do they really think I'm that heartless?

That I REALLY want to be alone for the rest of my life?

How unfair of you, my so called friends,

For you to think this way.

Because I don't whine and lament

About how I don't have

Or haven't had?

You think I don't want?

Would it surprise you if I did?

Would it surprise you if I told you

That secretly all I want is to be loved?

All I want is to be swept off my feet too?

All I want is a man that gets me too?

Would you be surprised If

I told you that I cried everyday?

That when you dont see me,

I am probably crying?

Would you look in shock

If I told you that I am not as confident

As I pretend to be?

Would you?

But you are my friend

You are supposed to see past all

the fronts

the fences

the walls

I see past yours

Why can't you see past mine?

xxx

Fabulo-la

2 sides to every coin

2009-12-04T06:45:00.002-05:00

xAloisax

Sometimes...
I think I miss you
I wake up in the middle of the night
Wishing you were there to hold me
Sometimes
I wonder why we even broke up
We could have made it work right?
Sometimes
I think I want to be with you again
The way I fit into your arms was...perfect
Like ..we were made to be
Sometimes
I wonder if I am just being stubborn
By not letting you back in my life
Sometimes..
I really just want to rewind the clock..
So we can go back to us

xFabulo-lax

Day 5
You slept with your ex

Day 485
You did it. Again
Foolish me.

Good riddance.
End of story.

xxx
Fabulo-la

P.S Just as I was about to write this post, 'said' person called me. Creepy or what?
P.P.S Aloisa is the other me ;)
P.P.P.S I am not in Nigeria o guys! Last post was JUST a story. Totally Fiction. I promise!

How the agbado lost its appeal.

2009-12-02T14:06:00.005-05:00

I am home, in my father's house. I haven't been here in a few years. The stress of school really did get to me. So I am home, resting. Relaxing. I need to recoup. Recharge, before the next leg.
All I plan to do, is cook (only for my father o!), sleep and wii all day with my little brother. That is the plan.
This evening while lounging on the balcony reading Myne's new book, my mum asked me to go and buy bread, since the house will be full tomorrow. You see, there happens to be a bakery right behind our house. Anytime we need bread, we just call.
Reluctantly, I put my book down, and proceed to my room to change clothes. But then I decide against it.
Its dark out, why bother.
Besides its only a 7 minute walk. With my sweats, tank and scarf on my head, I proceed to buy N200 worth of bread.

Big mistake.

I buy the bread alright, without revealing too much yankee accent. Just as I turn to leave, I see a woman selling agbado (roasted corn). Oh how I have missed those things.
N250 and 4 agbados later, I proceed to walk back home.
But there is a problem. I have a big bag of N200 bread in one hand and a 5 agbados wrapped in old newspaper in the other hand. There is no way to make this cute. So, resigned to my 7 minutes of uncuteness, I slide my arm into the plastic bag of bread, to sit in the crook of my elbow. Like how those hollywood girls do when they carry their oversize purses. With that, I am free to munch on agbado as I walk home. The only difference between me and omo iya alata, is that I have my hands free ear piece in one ear.
The agbado tastes heavenly. Burnt just enough that it crunches with each bite.
Just as I cross the road, I hear a car honking loudly, trying to get my attention. Like the true snob that I am, I totally ignore it. But then I hear, Fabulo-la! Fabulo-la!
*Dead*
Who is mannerless idiot that is calling me out?
And then I see him. Him.
The one I gave my heart to on a platter of gold.
The one I was willing to cook, clean and die for.
Yes it was that intense.
Until he dropped me like hot amala.
For her.

I stop dead in my tracks wishing fervently that I had at least changed my clothes. You know that sexy summery dress I have been looking forward to wearing? NOW would have been the time to be caught wearing it.
"Hey Fabulo-la! Didn't know you were in town."
I self consciously wipe corn from my mouth.
"Yea..err 'twas a last minute thing."
"Hi!" she chirps to me from the passenger seat. "I've heard so much about you"
Her perfectly curled lace front locks mock my leopard print scarf.
"Right ..err yeah."
"Need a ride home?" He asks me.
'No!' I say a little too quickly.
"You sure?"
Is he kidding? "No thats ok" I prefer to lick my wounds by myself thank you very much.
"Well then", he says to me. "You around for a while?"
As he says that, I catch him rubbing her knee. He used to do that to me. The slow movements of his hand..
"Yea... only a coupla weeks though"
"Ok then, we are on our way out. You doing anything? You should come".
"Yea! Would be fun!" his perky sidekick chirps in.
Is he kidding? This is the part where I straighten my back and try to regain my dignity.
"S'alright. Already got plans". I insert my yankee accent here, in an attempt to snob them.
"Ok then, see you around?"
"Yea.. yea.."
"It was nice to meet you!" Her perkiness is irritating.

With that, he releases the clutch and zooms off. I can only stare after them.
I look down at my sweats, the bread. The agbado.

All of a sudden, it has lost its appeal...

I hate the Holidays

2009-11-25T03:20:00.003-05:00

I hate the holidays
It reminds me of everything I don't have
And everything I'm not

I hate Halloween 'cause well,
I don't get it.

I hate Thanksgiving 'cause
Unlike everyone else,
I don't get to go home
To my big family and a huge turkey
Nope. I get to stay here...

I hate Christmas cause
Well again, I don't get to just go home
And I have never felt like such
an unrequested family member than at Christmas time

I hate the holiday season
'cause it reminds me of how miserable I really am

5 years, 5 miserable holiday seasons

Wake me up when December ends...

For the Love of Ray Ray: Introducing the Raysins!

2009-11-24T23:11:00.005-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen!
How have all y'all been?
Shey una don acquaint ya selves with Ray?
Good. Now let us bring in the Raysins.

First off there is...

*Drum roll please*

Me! Yes me o!
I am THE number one Raysin jere.
If not for me, you think we will even be talking about Ray?
Egzaitly. So Ray Ray dahling, you know what I can do for you joh.
No need to talk too much on here jere
Just call me on my nought-nine-nought and lemme show you.
*winks*

Now onto the other *and not so original* Raysins

First up we have Miss ChinnyN here is what she had to say for herself:

Ok guys this is chinnyn here, Ray's official numba 1, forget the other loosers. I am the one Ray needs in his life to support and nurture him. I am an official cook n I'll make sure I cook 3times a day 4 you ma darling, ill even take time out to bath u every morning n nite (o i see ray smiling hehehe). *no be only smile. Ray if I catch you for dia!*

I'm 5'5 so I know ur taller than I am which is a good thing, ummm but if ur not (i hope not), ill just manage, ill even sacrifice n sell all my heels just for you.......

I have very beautiful hair ermmmm even tho its not my own, its still fine...I can buy the beyonce kind if u want, You'll just have to pay 4 it hehehehehehe

Ypu knw d sayin...ill cross d ocean 4 u? yelz babe, They aint neva lied. I'll go as far as 2 destroy ma celibacy 4 u as soon as i win n u buy me dat burriful 10 carat...I know u can afford it boo.
So pls pls pick me babe, from d moment I heard ur voice, I already dreamt of our wedding with our lovely spanish little bride...ill give u 6 beautiful children, 3 boys n 3 girls, if u want all boys too, i got u boo......just pick me *wink*!

*10 carat ke? Ray shey u see, I no even ask u for anything.*

Next up we have ChocoMilo herself:

Manre dahling, Im a sweet girl, that's just tryna give you a gooooood time..if you pick me you are gonna get the best time ever! I have long hair and blue eyes..what man can resist that? Don't forget my legs that go on for days! *wink*

*Afi Manre darling naa...Me sef my legs go on for days joh! No mind am!*

Next up is Dharmie:

Hey Ray! My name is dharmie n Im sure am d perfect gurl 4 u! Y? Cos am strong,smart,sexy nd hawt! Ok let's start wit a lil bit of me....am 20, a nursing student n I live in md usa..hummmm wat else?...lol I'll update dis as d show goes on....lol pick me! muwah!

*Eh Ray Ray dahling, you wan rob cradle? She even sent her pishur! Oh wow!*

Next up is Gigachic:

My name is Ms. Gigga™, I'm an adult female from Nigeria in western Africa, I enjoy taking long walks on the beach, drinking cocktails and dancing in the rain...p.s I enjoy oral sex #justsaying :D

*ok this one I know I av to watch her o! ahn ahn!*

And finally Ladies and Gentlemen
We have Funmie. Yes I said Funmie.
She doesn't know it yet. But she is a Raysin.
I'm not going to talk too much about Funmie joh. She already has a WHOLE blog post dedicated to her.
No special treatment here, shey you know?

So there we have it, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Next blogisode Ray will ask his questions and..hmm he is thinking of allowing Tweetville and Blogsville to vote, what say ye?

E no marra! Whatever you people decide, I'm still the original Raysin!

*evil laugh*

xxx
Fabulo-la, #1 Raysin

P.S. Just incase there are any single ladies out there check ---> this out.

For the Love of Ray Ray: Introduction

2009-11-19T23:52:00.003-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to...
For The Love of Ray Ray: Battle of the Raysins!

What? Dont know who Ray is?

Ok Let me introduce him to you
'Ray' is the sexy, sultry voice that has captivated certain bloggers and tweeters on the infamous hookup chatroom that is Verastcally Speaking Radio

What? Never listened to Vera?
Ok Run along and get acquainted.

Now that you have acquainted yourself, we were talking about Ray
Yes..his voice.. *sighs*
With his agbero bounce two-step, and his smooth talking self
Several bloggers and tweeters seem to have fallen captive to the charm that is Ray.
Word has it that a special group has been created for the women, Raysins they are called,
that just can't get enough of his voice and his charm.

Oh, and I should know. I'm the number one victim.
But like I said, it is the voice...

But this is not about me. Not today anyways..
Today it is about Ray, This post is about Ray.
Ray, that is a confirmed 'playa' according to Vera, and has declared that he would not under no circumstances share his password, yes this Ray is the one whose attention all these woman, excuse me, Raysins are vying for.

*Hillzzzz they don't know that Im his number one yet.*

So anyways, to give everyone a fair chance (even though we all know I'm number one) we decided to let Ray choose for himself.
(it is just to make the others happy, I tell you)

So Ladies and Gentlemen, this is how it is going to be:
Next episode we will introduce the contestants to you, then each blogisode, Ray will get to ask each of the contestants a question, and eliminate as he sees fit.
(Read: I will eliminate as I feel like eliminating them jo. No be my blog? *evil laugh*)

So! Ladies and Gentlemen...This should be fun, Stay Tuned!

Oh and to hear Rays voice, go to.... HA!
You thought I would REALLY release the link?
Error. Find it by yourself.
Tune in to Verastically Speaking and MAYBE you will hear his voice.
Hehehehe

xxx
THE #1 Raysin, all others are counterfeit.

Blank

2009-11-18T02:33:00.004-05:00

That is exactly how I feel.
Blank. Empty. Null and Void.

I want to...bare it all.
But for the first time...

I cant find the words...

One of the hardest things right now?
Realizing that the path you've been on
Was the wrong one
And a complete waste of time.

Dear God, where are you?

At times like these,
I do what I do best

....
Escape my reality

Venice Here We Come! Long post Alert

2009-11-01T23:25:00.003-05:00

Another long day at the office, and nothing seems to have been accomplished.
Why are men always adamant to work with a woman? Abi is it just these Nigerian men that don't want to deal with a Nigerian woman? Are they that intimidated? Na wa o! Working with these engineers has not been easy.
Three years as 'Engineer-in-charge', and you'd think they would have gotten used to it by now.

I buzz my secretary and tell her not to forward anymore calls. Its 4.00pm, and I need a break.
I kick off my Pradas, take off my blazer and settle into the traditional judges' chair I ordered specially. Funms was right, these things are soo comfy. I still need to meet with the process engineers before picking her up from the airport.
Sigh....
Just then my cellphone rings
"Mama lemme upgrade you..."

It can only be one person.
"Hi Temie.."
"Boys boys! I have told you! Be quiet when mummy is on the phone!.." She yells.
"My favorite boys behaving themselves?"
"Mehn...Fabsy, I think it is time for mummy to take a break....Nathaniel, say hello to Aunt Fabs.."
"Hi Aunty.." He says in his cute american accent but with a hint of french, spanish and everything else Temie is teaching them.

"Hi, my love. I miss you."...I coo into the phone. Nathaniel is my small boyfriend.
"misth you too.." he tells me.
".. seriously Fabs, when are you coming to babysit for me now? Me and honey need a break jo."
"Err..Temite I don't know about that one o. U forget me sef I have babies of my own, and..."

"Those are dogs jo! Not children." She cuts me off.
"Schewwww. It is time for us to find u a real man jere..all those engineers and you can't find ONE? What is Nigeria doing to you eh?"
"You have started o Temie..." I warn her. For the life of her, Temie cannot understand WHY I have refused to (in her own words) "marry a good man".

"Ehen! And if I start nko?...Nikolai.. Partez de là! Momie ne l'aime pas...when are you coming to New York jo? The boys miss you."
"Well... I'm supposed to be meeting Alexio in Cyprus in a few days..."

I can hear her rolling her eyes..

"You and this white boy ehn? Is it not tme for it to be over? Ok o.."
"Ha ha Tems. Very Funny. Maybe I should bring him to NY instead to babysit with me while you are away with honey eh?"
"Ah no..s'okay...we will be fine." She quickly adds. Temies dislike for my choice of men is anything but subtle.

"You will be alright Tems. Alexio means no harm jo."
"Hmm hmmm..Hold on Fabs, the intercom is buzzing..."

*********
"Secretary Generals Office. How can I help you?"
"Yah, its Funms. Put Tems on please."
"Yes ma'am."
**********

Click
"Hello.?"
"Hello ... ?
"Fabs, Funms is on the phone."
"Funms! Aren't you supposed to be on a plane back here?" I ask.

"Ehh..Fabs I was going to call you about that, but err..change of plans.."
"Change of plans? Why? Where are you going?"
"New York."
"New York?!"...Tems and I scream at the same time.

"What for? Why? Didn't you just come from your honeymoon around the world?" I query Funms.
"So you'll babysit?" Temie asks hopefully.

"Ok ok Ladies! And Tems no I can't babysit, sorry. But with all the Secret service Tems, you can't get anyone to babysit?" Funms answers.
"You know how she likes to be with her boys all the time now.." I tell Funms.

"Then what are you coming here for?" Tems asks slyly.
"Some benefit for hubby. Decided to join him last minute. Can't pass up the oppurtunity to play dress up now can I?" Funms explains.

"But Funms, we were supposed to have dinner tomorrow and discuss.." I whine into the phone.
"Ehn I know Fabs, I know. But I have a better proposition for you girls."
"It better involve a holiday." Temie groans into the phone.

"Well not exactly. But first we need to get Bumight on the phone."
"I spoke to her earlier, she should be in surgery." Temie says.
"Yah I left a message for her to call me back. The nurse said it should only be a few more...Oh here she is now...hold on."

Click

"Whatever idea Funms has, I hope it involves some kind of holiday" I say.
"I hope it involves some Nigerian men we can hook you up with." Temie says without missing a beat.

Click

"Temie! Is it not time for you to get off this girls case?" Bumight says into the phone.
"Help me tell her jo."
"But wait eyin gels, shey you people don't think it is time for her to..."
"Temie you will have all the time you want to harass her. Leave her for now." Funms interjects.

"Yes ladies whats up?" Bumight says.
"How was surgery Doc?" I ask Bumight. "Save another life?"
"Mehn..for a second there we almost lost the poor little boy. But thank God..I stayed awake in med school."
"Hahahaha Ejo e ko." Its not your fault. Temie says. "Hows Wande doing, Bumight?"
"He's fine o. We are thinking of taking a second honeymoon sef."
"Second ke? Some people havent even taken the first one" Temite points out.
"Me I dont know what you are talking about." I add.

"Ok o girls, I know we have all been having a rough few weeks..." Funms cuts us off.
"Except you that has been on her honeymoon.." I interject.

"Like I was saying..." Funms continues pointedly."We have all been stressed so I was wondering if you guys could take a few days off to go to..Venice? All expense paid. Uh?"

"Ve-kini? how exactly is this trip going to happen in a few days?" I ask. "And you forget we are all on different time zones.."
"How did I know you will say that? The engineer. Always calculating and recaculating. Its not a problem...Hubby is letting us use the jet and.." Funms explains
"Im down. I'll just reassign my surgeries. But it can ONLY be a few days o! Anything else?" Bumight asks before she can finish.

"Nope. Will day after tomorrow work for you Doc?" Funms asks.
"Sure thing. See you ladies later."
Click

"Wait.What just happened Funms?" Temie asks."Did you just offer to take us to Venice for a few days?"
"Yep. Prolly not more than 48 hours, seeing as we are all really busy... "

"Im down o! I was just making sure I heard correct ni. Not a problem" Temie says.

"You are sure the boys and the UN will survive without you?" Funms asks.

"They will be just fine I was taking next week off anyways..." Temie adds.
"Cool. Fabs you nko?" Funms asks me.
"Im still trying to figure out how exactly this trip is going to happen.." I tell Funms.

Again I can hear Funms roll her eyes at me. They seem to do that alot.

"Ok here is how it will work eh Fabs? Tems and I will leave NY in the morning day after tomorrow, sometime around 9 maybe Tems?" Funms asks.

"That works Funms..." Temie answers.
"We will pick Bumight up about 10 ish, refuel and head to Lagos to get you. That should put us there about 6 am your time. We refuel and head out. Should be in Venice by lunch. Again I will have to check with the pilot sha. But does that sound good to you?" Funms asks me.

Sounds like she already had it all planned out.

"Err..sure..Guess I'll see you ladies in a few days." I answer.

"Oh and dnt bother to pack any bags, we are going SHOPPING!" Funms adds.

"Venice here we come. Alright ladies its homework time for the boys. See yu later muuaaahhh."
"Bye Tems."
"Bye Temie."

"So? Sound good to you engineer?"
"Sounds perfect Funms. See you later."
"No problem babes."

I hang up the phone and marvel at the girls. Nothing like a chat with the BFFs to lighten up a girls day.
The intercom buzzes.
"I said no calls Stella!"
"Its the technicians from the Accra plant ma."

Sigh.....I guess I'm going to Venice with the girls then.

xxx
Fabulo-la

Lost

2009-10-21T01:55:00.004-04:00

I'm lost
Which way?
Left? Right? Southwest?
The yellow brick road?
But...how do I know?

Which will take me there?
Left? Right?
The yellow brick road?

There are no signs.
No road marks
...
Nothing

How am I supposed to know?

A thousand voices in my head
"Go this way, that is where the Gold is"
"No no no, the other way leads to the land of milk and honey"
"Nooooo....this is the way you should go. First the milk, then the Gold"

They are all confusing me.
I know where I want to go.
I just don't know how to get there.

I know where I want to go
I just don't know how to get there

I know where I want to go
I just don't know how to get there

I look up to the sky...
Not a cloud in sight
Like He has turned his back on me

I whisper a prayer
"Please. Help me..."

I listen for an answer
.....

Nothing.
No still small voice.
No roaring thunder.

Nothing.

What am I supposed to do now?

I know where I want to go
But....

I don't know how to get there.

I am Grateful :)

2009-10-20T20:27:00.000-04:00

Its amazing.
Barely 4 months ago all Brokeass wanted to do was bare her thoughts and just release all the mental tension suffocating her.
But she got more than that.
With all the encouragement she got,
Fabulo-la was born
And I can honestly say it has been pleasant
I am not going away
I am just overwhelmingly grateful for the people I've met on here
The ones I've imagined in my head
And the ones I've met both in my head and otherwise
The ones that inspire me through their written word
The ones that motivate me to be all I can be by just reading their blogs
I have learnt a lot in these few months
And I'm still learning
I'm grateful for the much needed laughs that have lightened my mind
I'm grateful for the reassurances that I CAN do whatever I set my mind
(Even though you sometimes use big words)
I'm grateful for the trivial 'dodo' insults that remind me to have a little fun
I'm grateful that you have allowed me to exercise my imagination at your expenses
(Even if the jets and trips to Vienna are all in my mind)
Most of all I'm just grateful for the opportunity you have all given me to be part of your blog lives
I am humbled that you guys keep coming back
This one is for you blogsville
Thank you
Xxx

Fabulo-la
Cheers to my new bffs :)
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Dangerous Games....

2009-10-15T21:50:00.005-04:00

He is her.
She is him.
They are one.

Yet
He calls out to me
My head says never
My heart insists its too late
But my body?

My body responds in disobedient ways
He ministers to my very soul
My neck yearns for his kisses
To feel his breath upon it

But.
He is hers.

Not that I want him
Noo. No.
He belongs to her
But it is tempting.
I must say it is tempting.

But I do not want him!
No!
He had his chance.
He screwed it up

Now he is calling out to me?
My body answers
My head rejects

How dare he?

But his body calls...

Sigh...

And my body answers..

Dangerous games

xxx
Fabulo-la

Good Sex, Great Laughs

2009-10-11T00:44:00.004-04:00

I met a stranger a few days ago.
A sexy stranger, might I add.
6'2", perfect lips.
Did I say perfect lips?
Easy on the eye, with a presence that commands attention.
I had always seen him around, you know.
Same crowd, same parties.
But every time I left, he would just be arriving.
He would catch my eye, cause you know me sef I'm easy on the eye.
And then one day, he showed up before I left.
There he was, in all his 6'2" glory.
Slacks, crisp white shirt, and that presence.
Of course there I was in the corner, drink in hand
Checking him out, as was every other xx chromosome in the room
(or is it xy?)
Even with my bright blue 5 inch pumps
I would barely meet his eye.
Now, a man that still towers me in my heels is something.
I meet his eye, hold the stare for a good 90 seconds and look away.
Coyly, of course. And then ignore him for the rest of the night.

As luck would have it, we were introduced by the host of the party.
Well what do you know?
We talk for a while, and he is definitely a joker.
By the end of the nigh,t I had laughed so hard my drink was all over my shirt.
And I was one business card short.
Well what can I say?
It was a good night.
I know, not very classy but I was having fun!
it was just soo..comfortable

2 days later, he calls me up and we make plans to go out for dinner.
We never made it.
He came to pick me up. With a bottle of Moscato.
Manners, me likey.
We talk for a while, all the time the chemistry choking me.
After small talk, and plenty of laughs
I got up to put the wine glasses in the sink
He got up too. To help.
(Don't you just love a man with manners?)
And that was when it happened.
He put his glass down, brushing my arm.
It sent a jolt of electricity through my body
Shaking me to my very core
I shivered. NO kidding.
I got goosebumps.
I think he felt it too, cause what happened next was PHENOMENAL
He grabbed me by the small of my back and kissed me
Slowly and softly. Then hard and forcefully.
Had to come up for air a few minutes later.

And that was it.
Clothes were off in a second. Shoes landed in the sink.
Started on the kitchen counter.
Him on top, my legs flying in the air.
We moved to the pantry. My back against the wall, one leg on his shoulder.
Tomato sauce and sweet corn cans flying every where.
That was where we got the chocolate.
And the whipped cream. The ice came from the freezer.
And then we were on the floor.
This time, I was in charge.
Bent over, hair all over the place, scratches on his chest.
To say the least, my apartment is marked.

5 hours and 2 minutes later, we are sitting on the floor in the kitchen
Sharing pot of semi cooked Indomie noodles
And I'm having the time of my life
No awkward moments
It was like we 'd been doing this forever.
Great sex, and even better laughs.
Can you ask for more?

*Sigh....*
Blogsville, I went to sleep a few days ago and this is what my mind did to me.

Sighs....

2009-10-09T14:00:00.001-04:00

My dear Blogsville
But I have a confession to make.
I am having an affair.
Yes. There I said it.
I am having a passionate steamy affair.
But can you blame me?
The things we have done.
The chocolate, the caramel, the ice?
The DMs back and forth...
Blogsville I am having an affair.

...with Twitter.

It was bound to happen jere.
First it was just to secure the franchise name you know?
Fabulo-la Inc. does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Oh well..what can I say?
Twitter has captured my heart...
But you blogsville are my first love.....

For now anyways.
Or until another John walks into my life.

Yes about John..I AM NOT MAKING ANY MOVES O!
Lool..As much as I am tempted too.
And I can already see our babies..but No.
I am not. He has a girlfriend I hear.

I guess I will just have to wait till Office Christmas party to find out.
or I can just walk by his office until then send me home.
Sigh...
So...I have a date tomorrow.
And I am not looking forward to it.
In fact I have already planned my escape strategy sef.

So..this dude is from St. Lucia (strike 1...I don't like Caribbeans...well not like that)
He has dreads (strikes 2,3.4.5....u get the point)
He has that mix of British and Caribbean accents..not very attractive (strike 6, 7, 8,9)

And then he says things like Exactement!...??? Really? (strike 10)

This is how it happened...

I was walking to class, minding my business
When I see someone trying to get my attention. In a very obnoxious Hummer.
Yes I said it! We are trying to go green, why r u driving a hummer? Just saying.
So anyways...my brother asks for directions, and I begin to give it to him
And then he stops me and goes..

Him: I'm sorry, but Im just so smitten by your looks and your accent. Where are you from?
Me:...uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...*blank confused stare* uhhh Im Nigerian??
Him: right...
Me: so anyways...you go..
Him: Im sorry, but whats your name?
Me:...uhh Fabulo-la?
Him: Wow. Im sorry but Im so totally smitten.

*Is he serious???*
At this point people are beginning to horn for him cause he is holding up traffic.

Me: well uhmm..I gotta go.
Him: Oh can u please just hold up one second, lemme just get out of the way..

*uh..really?*
I know I could totally have just walked away, but for some reason I just felt that would be totally rude. And I HATE rude people..so there I am standing, looking very aimless wondering why my mother ingrained in me a disdain for mannerless people.

Dude turns around..comes back and goes...
Him:So Im sorry i just totally forgot the directions you were giving me..
*seriously????*
Me:..uhmm ok 4 stop signs and then make left...
Him: great..well is there anyway I can get your number so i can call you?
Me: I really gotta go.
Him: Come on...You gonna leave a brother hanging?
*Seriously?*
Him: Come on..so whats the number?
Me:917 419 5555. Ok i gotta go.
Him:Great can I give you a ring tonight?
Me: Uhmm no that would be a bad idea.
Him: Tomorrow?
Me: No. That would be a bad idea...I gotta go
Him: Ok Fabulo-la. Saturday then.

This was almost a month ago.
Just to show you how I have been running from said dude.
I am not looking forward to this I tell you.

I have a crush...

2009-09-30T19:48:00.005-04:00

He is tall, has thick dark hair and big light brown eyes.
Symmetrical features, perfect nose and a small mouth.
He is always dressed on point
Crisp collared shirt tucked into his levis.
Sigh.
I cannot tell you how much I have lusted after this boy.
He is out of my league.
Word on the street is, he has a girlfriend
This has never stopped Fabulo-la before.
But this time...This time...
I cannot have him.
Yet my heart skips even harder when he walks into the office.
Or can I?

Just by looking at him,
You can tell he is smart.
Not in a computer geeky star wars kinda way.
In an "I taught myself Java" kinda way.
I am stalking him on facebook
Too afraid to 'friend' him

He probably hasn't noticed me
I wonder if he even remembers my name?
I have found every excuse in the book to get him to come to our office.
I have kicked the computer, removed the cable
Unlogged myself out of the network
Anything to get 'John' to come downstairs and fix.

Shameless I know.
But what am I to do?
I run errands for my boss countless times
Taking a bunch of papers up one at a time
Just so I can pass by John's office to get a glimpse of him.

I can already imagine our first date.
Our children.
Jeez, what will it be like to kiss those lips?
His eyes make me melt. Literally.
Our children will have thick wavy luscious hair
Imagine the color of their skin when my beautiful black mixes with his tan olive.
I am dying sef to just hear him call my name.
My whole name. You know get him to play that
"how do you say your name" game?
I can only imagine the jolts that will be sent up my spine when he touches me.
Sigh...thoughts of this boy have got my mind running in several directions at once.

I am dying to make a move...
You know, ask him about himself.
Anything to get him to talk to me.
But for the first time
I'm shy.
I'm afraid to look like a fool in front of him.
I'm afraid he will think I'm not that smart.
I. am. dying. to. get .his. attention.

Tomorrow is '(insert-name-of-company-here) day '
You can be sure I will be stalking the tables between classes
Just so I can get a look at 'John'
This is getting out of hand
I can't even joke about it anymore

I'm beginning to feel the pinch in my heart...

God help me
I am crushing on a boy I cannot have.

xxx
Fabulo-la

Dear God,

2009-09-29T00:25:00.002-04:00

First of all I want to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything I have done
and even the ones I don't even remember
I'm sorry for eyeing that girl when she asked me a dumb question the other day.
(You too you know it was dumb now.)
I promise I will smile next time.

Im sorry for cursing that boy out,
but you know he got on my nerves now!
Calling me miss "I'm too busy so I can't call or be bothered to talk to anybody in Nigeria".
What on earth did he mean by that?
Is this a new thing making me feel guilty 'cause I dont call him? All the way in Nigeria?
Or wait...do you feel like that too?
Hmm...I guess I'll try harder.
With you sha, not the boy.

And I'm sorry for wishing that professor would catch swine flu cause he was mean to me last semester.
But you know you didn't really have to allow him to become sick.
Please make him better. Quickly. In a few days.
Please make him better. :D

Now I want to thank you.
Thank you for my new job (assistant manager is not easy o!)
Even if its less money and less hours, I know you will make a way.
Right?
Ah! I have to say a BIG thank you for touching my advisors heart.
Now, I can stay the extra semester and get that minor in Math. And maybe English too!
But God, why are all the Chem E professors so mean?
Do they do it on purpose?
Or is there really something wrong with them?
I ask that you touch their lives and fix whatever maybe wrong with them.
Cause they make us miserable! :(
And misery is not my portion!

Now I want to thank you in advance
That job?
Yes that one that you are reserving for me?
The one that pays $60,000 a year with relocation expenses and with a manager training program?
Yes that one! Infact Baba God, I hail you o!
I know you will not let my enemies laugh at me!
Thank you jere!

Now God, about all these cute boys you keep surrounding me with.
I'm not complaining. The view is Ah! mazing.
To think you created all that?
Wow! You are truly God all by yourself!
But I need you to help me concentrate sha.
Don't take the boys away o!
I just need to concentrate.
And please help me keep my hands off the ones with girlfriends.

Oh I also want to thank you for taking away all the bad dreams.
I am truly grateful.

God, for all those people that are causing trouble
In the name of religion,
Forgive them biko.
Touch their hearts eh?

Dear God
I cannot thank you enough.

xxx
Fabulo-la

Me. Then You.

2009-09-21T23:53:00.007-04:00

I like you
I like us.
but I've come to realise
I like me more.

I know we would be great together
but honestly,
I'm great with me right now.

This is not an 'independent' rant
but rather a 'my new best friend is me' kinda discovery
You know that woman you saw in me?
The strong, defiant, woman
You are convinced would make a good wife?
Well, I'm still getting to know her.
And for right now, she needs all my attention.

I'm not out to hurt you
Im not looking to replace you either.
But to give myself to you right now
Would only be making us both miserable.

Like I said,
its not that I dont like you
Its just that..
Well, I like me more.

Today I met another fine boy
*sighs....*
Cute, shy, white boy.
Wednesday, Fabulo-la will make her move.
I kid you not.
All my flirting techniques will be put to use Wednesday.
I can't wait!
I know what you are thinking,
The engineer and the spartan nko?
Well, what can I say?
They are boring me jo.

Finally saw District 9.
Me I don't know what all the fuss is about.
I will not bore you will all the parallel themes and plots I thought were amazing,
But frankly the movie was that good.
I enjoyed it. Tremendously.
I'm not sure what all the noise is about.
Jus' saying.

School is a BEEYATCH!
But I love it.
I was reminded of how much older than the rest of my class I am today.
3 years older than the average American college senior.
I know its not a big deal.
But I can hear what they are really not saying...
Its been humbling actually.
But sometimes....
To be reminded that your own mates are done with their 2 degrees
And I'm still working on my first.
Sometimes it doesn't bother me
Other times...
Its a completely different story.
But they say
It's not how you start, its how you finish ei?
I certainly hope so.

How is everybody doing?

xxx
Fabulo-la

"I ... trudge this earth...seeking salvation from a marauding death" - DannyB

Man. Not a Boy.

2009-09-15T01:02:00.008-04:00

I want one too.
I want my own.
I want the one that will make my heart race
Just by hearing his voice.
I want the one that will smile at me
And know exactly what I'm thinking
I want PDA in public
Footsie in the resturants
Butterflies in my belly
A knowing look when I need it most.

I want one too.
I want my own.

I don't want hers.
Neither do I want to be number 17 out of the current 25.
I don't want one minute.
I don't want a weekend.
I don't want to share.
I don't want one that tells me he loves me while his wife snores in the bed next to him.

No!

I want my own.
I don't want an old one.
I don't want one that didn't work before.
I don't want games.

I want a new one.
I want to start afresh...
On a clean slate.

I want discovery...
I want chemistry
I want mind sex.

I want the one that I will run to
When the nightmares won't go away
The one that will hold me
And tell me everything is okay
The one whose eyes I will look into
And feel completely safe.
The one that is not turned off
by my fiercely independent streak.

I want a Man not a boy.

Yes, I know.
I want it all.

Is that too much to ask?

I rebuke you Lady Gaga!

2009-09-13T23:47:00.007-04:00

So Blogsville
You guys had enough of the publicity stunt that is MTV?
I refuse to comment on that negro's disrespectful action.
Moving on... yes I have other concerns.

So I have been having bad dreams.
No scratch that. Bloody NIGHTMARES!
As in, I wake up either sweating or crying, for that last couple of weeks.
These dreams have involved a lot of dying, shooting killing...did I mention dying?
I kid you not o!
Needless to say, I have been walking around campus muttering "Sharamama sharamama...I am covered by the blood of Jesus" under my breath.
To say I am scared shit less will be understating it.
But then again, it is not my portion, damnit!
The devil is a Liar! He died that I may have life o!
Abi? Yelz ke.

So now, imagine my SHOCK when watching the VMAs (A solid 3 hours I will never get back btw)
I saw Lady gaga wearing that red lace thing over her damn head?
As if her performance was not enough!
(I swear that woman is so in-appropriate she should be banned)

You know what the hell that reminded me of?

The Bodies from the Body Worlds exhibition and
The hollow pleading look in their lifeless eyes!
SHIT!! SHIT!!! SHIT!!!
Ewoo! Are the nightmares not enough?
To say I wanted to start crying would be putting it lightly!

So yes blogsville that is my concern tonight.
Please ehn, before you go to bed
Pray for PEACEFUL sleep for me.
And you ofcourse.
Rebuke every attack of the enemy against me.
And you ofcourse
And please cover me with the blood of Jesus.
And you. Ofcourse.

Thank you blogsville.
Your love and concern is much appreciated.

I know this might have come off really lightly
But this is the only way I can pretend to not be scared.

Now I'm off to watch the girl crying blood....*sigh...*

xxx
Fabulo-la

Not Now.

2009-09-04T01:55:00.003-04:00

Its not that I don't love you.
I do actually.
With everything in me.
Just not the way you deserve to be.

I want to worship the ground you walk on
I want to yell it from the rooftops
I want to give you my mind
My body and my soul.
Not one or the other.

I want the whole world to know
That you are mine
And I am yours
I want to submit my all to you
But...

But I can't do it.
Not from here.
Not now.
I cannot give you what you need
What you deserve
I cannot love you
The way you need to be loved
Not now.

But I do want you to know
I'm coming back
And when I come back
It will be for good
I can only hope and pray
That you, My love
Will be here to meet me
That you will embrace me with open arms
Like I never left

I know we have that
old fashioned traditional
just-can't-live-without-each-other
intoxicating love.
But right now
Right now
Its not enough

Secretly...

2009-08-24T14:50:00.002-04:00

Im afraid.
Im afraid of having children.
Every time I imagine my husband and kids
The kids, boys usually, always either have autism
or cerebral palsy. I dont know why.
But this happens every time.
So, I don't think about having children.
I dont even entertain conversations about them.
Im all for surrogacy.

I wish I had done a double major in school.
English or Classical languages or something.
Engineers are some of the most...boring people ever.
Sucks to think I'm one of them.

I'm afraid of what my constant migraines could possibly mean.
My doctors keep dropping words like MRI
and CAT Scan.
Why do they do that?
I have classes and design projects to focus on
I cannot be worrying about MRIs and what nots.
Are the painkillers not sufficient?

I still want to be a model.
Before I moved to this here forsaken town,
I actively pursued being a model.
Needless to say..engineering seemed more promising.
(if you google my name, my model profile comes up.)
But I still want to be a model.

In my mind, I am the editor of Vogue Nigeria.
I said In my mind.
I can dream can't I?
Like I said, IN MY MIND jo.

I'm afraid I might not love my boyfriend enough.
On paper, we are perfect.
I can totally see us in the long run and all.
You know, he is the kind of person I know I need.
But....I dont know.
Well maybe its just the distance.

Oh well...

Fabulo-la has missed you all.
Did you miss me?
xxx

Would you?

2009-08-14T01:13:00.003-04:00

This week has been a .... weird one to say the least.
I didn't run away, I swear.
I was just ... thinking?
Well remember I had an epiphany a while ago?
I kinda forgot about it for a while after that.
And then, I read 'Half a Yellow Sun'.
Apart from realizing how ignorant I am about many of the affairs of my own country,
(I have resolved to change that by all means)
I found myself wondering, 'would I give my life for my country?'

I do not mean dying.
Well not in the physical sense anyways
More like, would I give it all to fight to make a difference for the sake of my country?
All of a sudden I remembered the epiphany.
This time it came back to me
The image was so vivid and haunting
I could feel my ribcage constrict as my throat threatened to cut of my air supply.
The passion came back so strong,
It gave me goosebumps, but I could clearly feel the fire inside me.
It still does. I still can.
Its intimidating.
I cried.
My 10-year-plan just did a U-turn.

I want to do this. To make a difference.
Are you kidding me?
I have to.
I. Just. Have. To.
Even if I die trying.
That is how strongly I feel right now.

But how? I don't know how to do this
I was NOT trained to do this.
I am afraid to talk about this
They say there are dream killers everywhere
But I HAVE to do this
And I don't know how
My heart is bleeding at the thought of what lays ahead of me
I am scared shitless.

But I know one thing for a fact
I love my country
And I'll be damned if i don't spend my life trying to make it better.

I wrote this while I was reading 'Half Yellow Sun'
I think I was still in the romantic mood
which kinda explains the way it is written

I have a love.
A consecrated lover.
I do not know if she still loves me.
Years ago I ran away
I abandoned my lover
I wanted a more experienced lover
That would caress my mind
And stimulate my passion
And now, now
I want my lover back
I have missed her
I have seen that no love is as strong as
The love my lover gave me, those years when I rejected her
When she called out to me
But I turned my heart away
Because I thought she could not give me what I needed.
Someone please tell my love
That I am sorry
That I have been made wiser by our time away
Tell my lover
That I will nurse her wounds
And use my sweat and blood
To nurture her to health
Tell her that I will give her my right hand if hers fails her
Tell her that I am ready to give my life to her
Tell her that I will give my life
For our children, so that there will be children
She has suffered enough.
Tell her, that I am coming back
And that I still love her
Tell her
I love her even more.

Somebody tell Nigeria that I love her

"Ask not what your country can do for you, rather what you can do for your country." - JFK

Let Us.

2009-08-05T23:25:00.003-04:00

I have gone utterly and completely mad.
Yet, I find myself wishing it not go away.
How can anyone question my love for you?
Do they not see the way my body leans to you?
Even though you are on the other side of the world?
Do they not know that my heart yearns for your touch?

Give me your undying love
Make me immortal with your kiss
And let us make this everlasting commitment
Once and for all
Let us go back in the day
When lovers were lovers
And love in its pure undying form
Was secure, a safe haven

My mind is yours to have
My body to hold
Make it yours
Inside and out
Rain or shine
I will be with you
I will nurse your wounds
And celebrate your health
Cleave to me
As I submit my all to you

I’m ready to give my life
My all to you
I’m ready to be the best woman
I could possibly be
Let me share my love with you
Serene, uninhibited and uncomplicated
Let me give you everything that I have
Mind body and soul.

Let us stay together
Let us last forever
Let us be One.

A friend of mine said I was difficult and un-romantic.
So, I wrote this.
xxx
Fabulo-la

Happiness... Or is it?

2009-08-02T18:21:00.004-04:00

State of mind?
Or complete illusion?

State of mind, if you ask me.
How else do you explain being able to smile and even appear happy
when everything in your life is falling apart at the very place you
tried to glue it together?
Even the one He gave to us.
Or does that one not count?
Is it even the same thing?

How else can one achieve said happiness without transforming your mind
Or transcending your current state or mind.

But what then does one do, when the energy to transcend one's current
state of mind has somehow...vanished?
When the will to get up and be happy is not there?
Or you just simply can't find it?
Maybe it has evaded you somehow?
Or it's avoiding you maybe?
Are you even looking in the right place?

What does one do to achieve said transformation?
Is there a place that specializes in transforming minds?
Is there a procedure or process to achieve said transformation?

Does anybody know how I can acheieve this transcending of minds?

On another note, I had another dream. A friend of mine this time.

xxx
Fabulo-la

Insult and Injury

2009-08-02T16:38:00.004-04:00

Seriously?
I am being insulted because of a pot?
Because of a frying pan
I am being yelled the fuck at?
A frying pan that came from my own fucking house?
You are yelling at me because of that?
By people who are my younger brothers mates?
Is this a bloody joke?
I look like a bloody joke?
Why the hell do I put up with people like this?
And now, I'm supposed t act like the bigger person
and smile and say
"Oh there must have been a misunderstanding"?
Fucking hell I'm gonna do that!
That fucking frying pan came from my own fucking house!
HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Foolish heifers calling the wok a frying pan.
Who does that?

The Dream contd.

2009-07-27T23:41:00.003-04:00

From here.

Just as I say that, the bar/cafe/coffee shop fades, and I'm in a classroom.
The hell? I don't remember paying for summer classes biko?
And then the professor walks in carrying a ...I'm squinting to read..
Chemical Engineering Thermodynamics textbook. Say what??
I thought I took this class years ago?
Just as I'm thinking that, this skinny girl walks in. She is carrying a lot of attitude on her along with those books.
All I can see on her is her legs. She looks like one of those efico girls,
that would rather sit at home on a Thursday night studying ahead of time for the incase quizzes we might have, rather than enjoying a discount movie night with the rest of the crew.
She pushes walks by me to the seat next to me.
She looks African. That nose…Very Igbo if I may say so.
“Hi”
See the side-eye she gave me?
“Hello”. Loaded with a lot of attitude.
Ookay! Well we are probably going to work together anyways, seeing as we were the only black people in the class. So I will let her be for now.
One white boy was kicking her chair and she was definitely not finding it funny.
I was laughing though. If you ask me, I think the boy liked her and she was clearly irritated.
I think he just asked her to tutor him.
Ha ha! How cute.
“Seriously? I have better things to do.”
Shoo? Did she just diss him? Whoa ok?
So I ask her, lets see if she will give me yawa too.
“I need help in this class, would you help me?”
She first looked me up and down and up again.
The way those Yoruba women do in the movies.
Is it that serious?
“Ok. Fine. Give me your email address, and we can work something out.”
Whoa! I have to make an appointment? This one don pass efico o!

And then the lecture starts….
“Today we are going to be pondering on this journey called life…”
Uh? Say what? I thought I was in an engineering class?
I look around. It seems to be some kind of… seminar?
I’m wearing…a suit, with killer pumps. Wow! Where am I?
Wait I have .. a briefcase?
Ok, this must be a pretty important seminar. I look around again.
Everybody here looks kinda .. important? Like business executives?
What is this? A motivational seminar?
I have to ask. I turn to the person next to me,
“I’m sorry to bother you, but where exactly are we?”
He looks at me like I’m psycho.
“You are at one of the series of seminars held by the world renowned speaker Danny B. Are you ok Miss?”
"Danny B? As in Bagucci Danny?"
He raises his eyebrows,
“Uh yeah?”
Ok, Gaylord. I was just asking.
But seriously? Danny B? I have got to see and hear this up close.
“Thanks” I say to the annoyed gay guy.
I get up from my seat and head all the way to the front. Uh, yes I did.
I slide into a seat in the second row. The girl next to me does not look very happy.
Oh whatever. She will be alright. At leat I did not step on her. Then she will know.
Just as I take a seat, Danny catches my eye. OMG! Does he know?
“You find your seat ok Miss?”
OMG did he just TALK to me?
“Uh..yah Im good thanks.” I am blushing???
And he continues…
“Where was I? Oh yea.. A journey is an evolution of an idea from a crude, undeveloped state to a more refined one. Sometimes it is deterministic….”
Hmm..he is almost like I imagined him.
About 5’ 11 maybe. Really dark. Well not Akon dark, but almost there.
He doesn’t look that old, but that goatee looks like it was intentional. He has the face of a young-er man, but in his eyes you can see the years of wisdom imprinted in them.
That suit. Definitely tailor made. And the shoes. Wow he looks good sha.
I'm not sure what I was expecting.
“Occasionally the vehicle takes on a life of its own…”
I have to get in to the mingling session after this. I wonder if there is one?
This is definitely somebody I need to know.
Just as I raise my hands to signal an usher over..

He comes over, but… what is he wearing? Jeans and a muscle shirt? Where am I?
Just then I hear..
“…ladies and gentlemen please give it up for EVANESCENCE”
Oh shit oh shit OH SHIT!!! OMG OMG OMG
How did I get here? Oh forget that! I’m in the FOURTH row!!!!
I jump on my feet, and that is when I notice I'm not in a suit anymore.
I'm in those killer jeans I tried on at that store that is totally out of my price range.
I'm wearing a Balmain jacket with a white tank underneath, and I have Barbara Bui shoes on. Say what??
And that is when I see it. Around my neck.

“Press Pass
Vogue Africa
Fabulo-la”

Oh freaking sheeeeeeeet! I work for Vogue???
I am over the moon at this point. I barely had time to think, when the band started playing one of my best-est songs ever.

“Now I will tell you what I’ve done for you..”

That was when I spotted him. He was hard to miss. We were the only black people with seats so close to the stage.
He looked about 6’1’’. Nice jeans, and wait, is that a biker jacket? Oh shoot!
On my to do list before I’m 30- take a ride on the back of a motorcycle behind a foine looking man.
Check, check check.
Did he just look over here? I think he did. I got a better look.
Nice curly hair, shaped sideburns. Nice teeth. He looks yoruba. Hmmm.
A 'Seun' or 'Olu' maybe...
Oh wow. I squint to get a look at what his press pass says..
Oh wow! Is that really him???

Take a wild guess...
xxx
Fabulo-la

The Bitch Shoes

2009-07-22T12:13:00.007-04:00

So. I was in NY for the weekend. Was a very eventful weekend. I got new shoes, new hair and correct insults. So my friend, Kikiana, and I came across one store like this in Harlem that was doing CORRECT clearance sale. Now when I say correct, I mean CORRECT.
Everything was on sale for $50. I'm talking LAMB, Giuseppe, CORRECT CORRECT shoes! No be Bakers shoes o! Shoes I have no business buying on a normal day. Thank God for sale. So we walked into the store, there were 4 other women there buying shoes. We tried shoes on. FOR $50!!!

I bought those ones in the picture, my friend bought a pair of LAMB shoes and Giuseppes for her sisters since she didn't find her size. Again, for $50!!! Who no go buy? Anyways, so we saunter out of the store with our 'steals'. We even went back the next day when her sisters came in, but the prices had gone back up.

So we sha went back about our business, nails, hair.....

Somewhere in-between, I decided to get money from the atm. What did I see? They had charged me DOUBLE! Biko! What business do I have buying $100 shoes??? Do you know how long it takes me to make that???? Shoo!
My friend checked her account, and she had been charged and extra $50 too.

I called the store quick quick make them return my money abeg! Or if them no gree, them fit collect their shoe back. Na so the girl come call me back say make I folo her oga talk. Say wetin??

So I called the oga. The oga com de yan beans that her shoes are never on sale for $50. That all the announcements she put on facebook and twitter and bla bla bla.
Biko? How that one com consign me?
She come talk say she go check her survelliance video.
Eewo! See me see trouble! Did she just use style to call me a liar and a thief??
So we carried ourselves and our shoes back to her store. When we got there, this woman was ready for fight.

"So, you must be the girls that said you bought shoes for $50? You have your receipts? My security guy is on his way."
"Oh yah. Nice to meet you, I'm Fabulo-la".
See us still doing polite polite.
Na so she come start.
"......sth sth sth BITCH BITCH ghetto bitches tryna scam me..."
Shoo?

"Nothing in this store was ever $50! I do not sell my shoes for $50! I know about all you ghetto bitches tryna scam me."

Say whaa??? Trust Kikiana. Ibo gel. She just siddon for chair.
She asked the sales girl to commot from back make she come talk wetin happen now abi?
The woman went on..

"Bitch leave her out of this. She has nothing to do with this!"
"...sth sth sth..get the fuck out of my store or I would throw you out myself BITCH.."
Ibogel: Just touch me, you will know what the inside of a jail cell looks like.
"Get the fuck out before I call the cops"
Ibogel: Abeg Fabulo-la, 911. This woman doesn't know anything.

At this point, agidi don pass agidi and it had become a shouting match between the I'm-not-ghetto-fabulous akata woman and the ever-so-ready Ibo gel.
Me? Me I no de fight o! I no like fight o! I just cross my hand for one corner just de look with my eyes bulging out. I look like person wey go de scam a whole boutique on top shoe? My counterparts are scamming banks, me I will be scamming boutique? Na wa o!

After shouting shouting she went to get $50 in cash and shoved it our faces.
*Blank stares* I now come ask am,
"Is there a way you can put this back on our cards without giving us cash?"
"Bitch I gave you the $50, what the fuck do you want? Take the money and get the fuck out of my store!" And she started again...
Na wa o! Shooo??

Anyways, the woman's friend that was there sha stepped in, apologised on behalf of her friend and bla bla bla. Apparently, her cash register does not do refunds.
Would it have killed her to say that?
Ha! Na she sabi. Those shoes look hot on me jere...
I got my hot shoes and my $50 and sashayed out of there.

Apparently the thing pain Kikiana more than it pained me. On monday morning, she emailed some woman at ybf telling her about it, cause apparently they did a scoop on her sometime in May. So if you see any videos on theybf.com with 2 weird looking girls fighting over shoes, fear not its just Fabulo-la attempting to conquer her fear of cameras. LOL

And that my friends, is the story of the bitch-shoes.

Begin where?

2009-07-20T21:18:00.007-04:00

Tomorrow...
is daunting.
Unnerving. Dispiriting.
Not knowing where?
How?
What?

Strength to go on.
Where is it?
How did you find it?

Trying...
...not to lose it.
Struggling to hold on
Lest your hopes
fizzle before your eyes.

Am I?
Looking...
... at the wrong goal?
Fighting..
..for what is not mine?

But how..
...will I know?

With every step forward..
...the goal seems even further away.
Disappearing into the thin air

Tomorrow is daunting.

The Dream LONG POST ALERT

2009-07-12T14:25:00.007-04:00

...as I recall it.

The day I met my fellow bloggers.
Well some of them.

*Disclaimer: This dream is just that a dream. Any resemblance to anyone real or fake is highly coincidental biko. If I described you on point. Oh well, you are just predictable ni yen.*
With that, enjoy reading!

I was sweeping my apartment with my Lagos imported igbale, counting the tiles as I went along trying very hard to suppress my anger at my messy roommates. I was wondering why I couldn't just be like everyone else and YELL at these babes.
Just as I was thinking that, in walks this caramel complexioned girl.
About my height, she had pretty eyes, smooth skin, white gapless teeth not chubby at all, with her hair bumped into a ponytail. She had pretty long hair too. She had on a knee length white summer cotton dress, that just made me hate her d more.
She wasn't fat or thick, but mehn! The backside on that chick! Ewoooooo!
How is that even physically possible?! I stared like a manner less goat, while at the same time making a mental note to ask God why he chose to give some the excess that should have been mine!

"Biko! What are you staring at?" She bellowed at me. I didnt have to guess. This could only be..
"Nice Anon?" I asked.
"Ehen? Whay are you looking at me as if you seen a ghost?"
"No o! I'm just.."
"You are just what? Anyways, where are those your useless roomates nne?"
"Uh?" I stammered.
"My what?"
"Your roommates biko! Abi you don't remember asking me to come and show you how to talk some sense into them? "
"I did?"
"Ah see this girl o! Nne, yes you did biko, and you also mentioned that Ibo boy would be stopping by again. I wanted to be here to laugh in person and enjoy it firsthand." I blinked wondering how she knew all of this.
"Nne, you really dont remeber?" I shook my head like a little puppy
"You are certainly crazier than you let on."
With that she let herself into my fridge...
"Bia you don't have anything to eat in this house?"
"Well, no that would mean me going to the grocery store. You know how that makes me nervous."
"You certainly are very crazy." All this while, Im standing with my igbale in mid-sweep and I'm wondering, how the hell did she find me?

*************************************************************************

With that my living room fades, and all of a sudden I'm in this bar?
No. Cafe maybe? Like a quaint coffee shop. With a live band? No. A comedy show? No.
It looks like poetry reading of some sort. Oh cool. I didn't know they had these in this town. The host introduces some guy on stage, saying he is 'the next best thing in poetry'.
Right, I think to myself. His poetry better be on point then.
Lots of applause. This guy must be very good. How come I've never heard of him before?
In walks this guy. Tall, about 6' 2" maybe? Dark. Hmm not bad, I think to myself. He has the goatee-thing going on. Nice pressed slacks, with an argyle sweater on, and one of those kangol-looking hats on pulled to the side. Hmmm. The lips on him.....
And then he starts.

"I
see you..
Do you..
see me too?"

And I'm thinking to myself, where have I heard that before? But Im too distracted by his voice. Very melodious, lyrical almost. Like he is singing...

"I've been watching you
Have you been watching me too?"

Ok hmm..the way this dude is staring intently, you would think he was talking to me.

"Nothing lasts forever
But I'll still be here where you left me"

Gademit! The lyrics on this dude...why is he looking at me like he knows me?
Dude doesnt know his lyrics are already making me sweat eh biko?
And then he goes...

"I am
Asleep
But my mind
Is awake to you.."

OH. MY. GOD. I know those lyrics! It can't be...
I catch his eye, and it is like he knows, that I know.

"If I weep,
Its my heart trying to reach for you"

Oh lord, you already gave me a man, why are you allowing this man to do this to me ehn?

"As I live,
My heart is in tune with you"

I close my eyes. I can't take this anymore. I am sweating now. Through my eyes.

"If you leave...
I'd be lost...
Lost without you"

I start to cry. I think I have just come across one of the greatest poets in my generation.
This man has made me cry in places I didn't know I could.
I lift my eyes to the sky. God why didnt you give me a man like this ehn?

*******************************************************************

Just as I say that, the bar/cafe/coffee shop fades, and I'm in a classroom.
The hell? I don't remember paying for summer classes biko.
And then the professor walks in carrying a ...I'm squinting to read..
Chemical Engineering Thermodynamics textbook. Say what??
I thought I took this class years ago?
Just as I'm thinking that, this skinny girl walks in. She is carrying a lot of attitude on her along with those books.
All I can see on her is her legs........

To be continued.

Mood Swings

2009-07-10T01:06:00.002-04:00

Caustic
That is how I feel right now.
Be careful where you step
Or what you say
For I might feel the need to snap and burn you with my bitterness
I don’t need a reason
I'm caustic. Sardonic. Scathing.
Why? You ask.
Do I need a reason?
Can I not just wake up and be this way?
Or maybe it is your very presence that makes me feel this way
Maybe its just the thought of you that does this to me
Or the things you do.
Or don’t do.
Maybe its just how you are looking at me.
Or not looking at me for that matter.
Or how you tied your hair.
Or didn’t tie your hair.
But what does it matter?
What difference does it make?

I need to disappear
Go far far away.
Out of reach.
Out of touch.
Away from you.
From everybody.
Just ignoring my phone is not enough
Somewhere in the middle of the desert maybe?
The other side of the world would be nice
Or maybe just that spot behind the gym
Next to that really dangerous place they tell us not to go?
Or maybe I should think happy thoughts?
What are those anyway?
Me in Charlies chocolate factory?
Or me with all the shoes in the world?

I need to get away.
I need to rid my self of this causticity.
I can't focus.
I need a happy pill.
I need help.

How do you do it?

How do I love thee?

2009-07-08T17:22:00.003-04:00

I cannot count the ways...

Seriously Blogsville,
What is wrong with me?
Na who send me do LDR ehn??

As in, what the hell am I doing?
I mean I enjoy talking to him for hours on end,
I look forward to him waking me up every morning,
I know he will do anything for me
And I will do anything for him too.
At least I think so.

Then what is wrong with me biko??
I mean I'm not one of those mushy people that will go on and on about how I feel
I shudder at the thought sef.
Abi isn't the fact that Im sending him texts every hour on the hour show something?
Why do I have to spell it out?
Im not totally cold hearted sha.
Once in a while, when the emotion grips me sooo much
I can barely hold my tongue.
Once in a while.
Not everyday, three times a day naa!
But only once in a while.

I keep thinking of what would happen when I finally DO see him.
It has been sooo long. Too long.
Will I squeeze my face in disgust?
Will he make my skin crawl with his smile?
Will I be annoyed by his jokes or his irate chatter?
Will I recoil in horror when he tries to touch me?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME BLOGSVILLE???

On another note...
I just finished reading Purple Hibiscus.
Its not a true story is it??
IS IT???
Gosh the oppression that is that story is choking.
What kind of person suffers that kind of abuse and yet still strives to please her oppressor?
I am very disturbed.
My 2 favorite lines from that book:
"All that maleness wasted" and
"Papa will be scadalized".

Next book up, Satanic Verses.
I don't know why.

On yet another note.
So err...I keep seeing certain bloggers in my dreams...
This is getting very strange.
I hope they did not send you to me o eh, biko?

Seriously though.
I am begging you people.

Leggy, DannyB, Nice and Blogoratti I de take God beg you people o!

xxx
Fabulo-la

SHOOT ME NOW!!!!

2009-07-07T22:00:00.005-04:00

*Rant A-fucking-lert*

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I cannot live with people, I swear, I CANNOT!
Oh. My. Goodness.
And I am a pretty easy person to live with too o!
SO for me to be PISSED the fcuk off, it is pretty serious.
I mean, I don't usually complain, I would just clean up after everybody and lock myself in my room.
But today...
TODAY!!! I came home from work and the apartment is UP. SIDE. DOWN.
Dirty dishes, messy kitchen, books and paper everywhere.
Like how the hell can you sit in the middle of all of that and be watching tv like nothing is wrong???
I mean why can't people just CLEAN UP after themselves??
Grown ass women too??
How the hell do you go to sleep leaving the whole of the apartment in a BLOODY MESS???
And the kitchen???
How can you SLEEP with the sink piled so fcuking high???
Why the hell do they feel the need to talk soo bloody loudly???
I have told them we live on campus, the walls are THIN!!!
SHUT THE FCUK UP!!!

And the worst part?
I will fall asleep, but I will wake up when I know everybody else is sleeping to clean up.
If I don't do it I will NOT sleep.

Ehnnn I know you are thinking this one must be a psycho.
But whatever, I am borderline OCD. (I said borderline jo).
Jehofa Rapha is healing me.
And it is involuntary in case you were wondering.
*sighs*
I better go and re-organize my dresser to unleash this anger...

FYI, there are exactly 14 steps when you enter the building from the side and 24 when you enter from the front.
Add 30 steps to the apartment when you enter from the front.

I'm not crazy I swear
xoxo

Fabulo-la

Behold all things are new...

2009-07-07T09:31:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time,
My ass was broke
I might still be short on cash,
But that is not the point.
One day I looked up and realised
My father in heaven is Fabulous
Jehovah Efizzy himself.
Then it struck me
I may not be the smartest engineer in my class
I may not be the prettiest girl around
But HE told me before he formed me,
He already knew all of this.
He has plans for me
It doesn't matter where I am now
Its where I am going that I should look to
So with that I let my 'broke ass' go
And Fabulo-la was born
I am realising some things were not meant to be
And for others I have to exercise SERIOUS patience
I can't please everybody
And frankly, I'm tired of trying
From here on I'm just going to be ME!
No coding, nothing.
Just my fabulous self

Xoxo
Fabulo-la

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Me. And then Some.

Going Nowhere...

Imperfectly Perfect

Is There More?

I want it all

Why can't it be like this?

Unspoken Moments II

Unspoken Moments

Death Be not Proud

What Way?

Mental Battles

Hell Hath No Fury.

Dead-Weight

Dear You.

All Will Be Well

I need...

Woes of a 'Crusher'

Mediocrity is NOT your friend.

Failure

True Story

....

Maybe

Is God Partial?

Spartan Coffee and other things.

My Way, or Yours?

Dear All-who-are-concerned

Missing 'It'.

This is a Long Distance Love Story.

Its my life

Dear Lord

Mind Sex.

Take a Moment

Apologies

Which would you choose?

10 Things I love + Others

The Road to Hell.

Shoe Giveaway #2

Ohhh!

Things we do.

P.O.W

Finally.

Son of a Gun

Ohhh!

The Day 'They' Visited.

Do you know?

Thank you guys;)

Bleh..

Phobias

Once a Lover, Never a Friend

Dreaming with a Broken Heart...

If I should die...

Completely Misunderstood

2 sides to every coin

How the agbado lost its appeal.

I hate the Holidays

For the Love of Ray Ray: Introducing the Raysins!

For the Love of Ray Ray: Introduction

Blank

Venice Here We Come! *Long post Alert*

Lost

I am Grateful :)

Dangerous Games....

Good Sex, Great Laughs

Sighs....

I have a crush...

Dear God,

Me. Then You.

Man. Not a Boy.

I rebuke you Lady Gaga!

Not Now.

Secretly...

Would you?

Let Us.

Happiness... Or is it?

Insult and Injury

The Dream contd.

The Bitch Shoes

Begin where?

The Dream *LONG POST ALERT*

Mood Swings

Venice Here We Come! Long post Alert

The Dream LONG POST ALERT