Me. And then Some.

I'm going nowhere fast.
Emotions running on high speed,
crashing into dreams and
breaking down in reality.

My heart,
bleeding for things I cannot grasp.
Blood splatters on the things I cannot reach.
My mind is in turmoil.
My spirit is unsettled.
My body is weak.
My soul seeks rest.

I'm going nowhere. Fast.



xxx
Fabulo-la
Sent from my CrackBerry® device.

There has to be more.
I hope there is more.
When I wake up to the ordinariness of life and trudge through the 'habitualness' in front of me, I cannot but long for that moment.
That rush, that feeling.
That feeling of transcendence, that moment of clarity. That instance when simplicity takes over. The moment it will all come together like the final clash of the cymbals.
That instance when your heart, overflowing calls out to your mind and you KNOW that THIS moment is what life is all about.

I hope there is more to this.

xxx
Fabulo-la
Sent from my CrackBerry® device.

They tell me my head is too far up the clouds.
That my emotions have been tainted with the sweet cherries of Heaven.
And my heart is deceived by the thought of angels walking amongst us.
But I tell you this;
My mind longs for the moment we will transcend beyond the heavens.
For the time when our minds will explode with a passion so intense, so raw...

I don't know about you,
But I don't want no ordinary, 'I should, I could, I did' kinda love.
I don't want no 'just because' love.

I want the kind that grips me when you walk into a room.
The kind that makes my heart stop at the thought of not having you.
The kind that sends me to ecstasy at the touch of you.

The kind of love that hurts from loving you because I don't have enough love to give you.
The kind of love that my wrists would bleed for to keep you with me.
The kind of love so crazy I could kill you, but then I'd have to kill myself too.
The 'rather die young than live without you' love.

Endless love where forever and a day is not nearly enough.
The kind of love where you are the cause and cure of my pain.
Violent, fragile, erupting, explosive endless love.
My all to you, or nothing to no one.
Not you. Not me.

Unbroken, ceaseless, complete love.

They tell me my head is far up the clouds.
But there are too many mediocre things in life already, why should love be one of them?

Xxx
Fabulo-la
Sent from my CrackBerry® device.

Its 10.15pm.
The flight apparently, was delayed by an hour.
Angry yells go up beside you. Airport officials yelling over people yelling.
No where to sit, except on the huge slabs of concrete on the floor.
Lucky for you, you brought your book along.
You take a seat on one of the 'free-er' slabs. Next to some poor dude that looks like he'd rather be else where. You give him a polite smile as you settle beside him and bring out your book.
'Thats a pretty good book, isnt it?' he says after a few minutes.
You look up for a second and take a look at him. He looks decent, you think.
'Yea it is actually.' You reply.
'Pretty mind boggling I thought it was.' He says again.
'Yea.' You answer, unsure.
'But then her other books got my mind racing as well.'  You add, as an afterthought.
'You should read 1984 by George Orwell too. Pretty intense stuff.'
'Really?'
...and that is how it began. Before you know it you are yakking on and on about books, and their themes, and plots. And How it affects the greater good of mankind.
Your book is currently long forgotten.
'British Airways ni. British Airways ni.' You over hear someone say.
'Well it looks like thats the flight Im waiting for.' You say.'It was nice talking to you...?'
'Seun. And you are?'
''Lola'
'Okay well, 'Lola. The pleasure is all mine.'
'If you want, I have that George Orwell book I was talking about. I could lend it to you sometime if you want?'
'Sure! I would like that actually.'
...and so you exchange numbers.

Why can't it always be like this?
Why must people be apalling and come up and say stuff to you like 'Bebe, you are looking sweet today. May I know you?'

Tell me, how would you like to be 'picked up'?

As soon as she walked in, I knew. I felt her presence pulling towards me. It was always like that with her. Like she was an extended part of me. The look on her face was like she had been dragged to this wedding. As always.
As she settled down, I wondered if I should go and say hi. Or sorry.

After glancing around the room, she finally caught my eye. I looked at her pleadingly, wondering what her reaction would be. She smiled, and for a moment I hesitated. Unsure. Eventually I smiled back. She wasn't one to stay angry for long. Maybe I took that for granted. She giggled and made a mocking face at me, as if to scold me. One of the reasons why I love her so much.
I burst out laughing at her silliness. It always amused me how silly and cute she could be at the same time.
I couldn't help but gaze at her beauty. She wasn't drop dead model gorgeous, and she was no plain jane either. But rather a wholesome warm kind of beautiful that literally radiated from inside out.
Embarrassed she covered her face with her hands. I don't know why it always embarrassed her when I gazed at her like that.
Just then-"Hey honey, we have to get going. We can't be late to my parents'. Again."

My heart sank. My very pregnant wife jogged my mind back to the present. Don't get me wrong. I love her. My wife, that is. But I love her also. She was the very air I breathed. But she wasn't ready. Not for me. At least I don't think she was.
Sometimes I wonder if its her free spirit that scared me away. Or her open mind.
I got up to follow my wife out, and just then I caught her eye. I pleaded with her to understand. Disappointment flashed through her eyes. Then hurt, then disappointment. It broke my heart to do this to her. Again.
I'm sorry- I mouthed before I left.

As I led my wife out, a tear escaped my eye. "Honey, I didn't think going to my parents would make you cry?!" My wife said to me alarmed.
I smiled as I gave a kiss on the cheek.
"On the contrary love, I just realized I'm the happiest man alive."

Xxx
Fabulo-la


Sent from my CrackBerry® device.

Their eyes met across the crowded room, and all of a sudden her being forced to be at that wedding wasn't such a bad thing. She relaxed a little, and smiled at him. In that moment, a thousand words were said between them. A thousand promises were made. A thousand secrets shared. A thousand lives together. A thousand unspoken moments.
It was like no time had passed since she saw him.
She thought of all the cuss words she had planned to rain on him and smiled as forgiveness tugged at her heart.
He smiled back, a little hesitant.
She giggled at his cautiousness and he burst out laughing like she had cracked a joke. She pouted and mockingly raised her eyebrow at him as if to reprimand him. He burst out laughing some more spilling his drink on the table.
After several fits of laughter, they slowly calmed down. He held her gaze for a few moments. As if trying to take in all her beauty. He smiled and she blushed. She covered her face with her hands. Embarrassed.
In a room full of 500 people, it was just the two of them. Nobody else mattered. Nobody else existed.

It was like time had stood still and drawn her into him.
Again. Like always.

She didn't complain. She liked being there. Drawn into him.

Just then something obstructed her view of him. She took that moment to check her reflection in her compact mirror.
When she looked up, her face fell. He was being led away by a very pretty, very pregnant woman.
He turned around and caught her eye. 'I'm sorry' he mouthed.
That was when she noticed it. With his hand on the small of her back, he carefully led her away. Stopping to kiss her as they exited the building.
A thousand promises going with them. A thousand lives shattered. A thousand unspoken betrayals.

He was hers till death did them part.
For them, life had just begun.
Hers ended when they walked out the door.


Xxx
Fabulo-la


Sent from my CrackBerry® device.